Thursday, July 15, 2004

Girls

Almost rammed my car into a raised platform (the one with statues in it) today!

My eyes were fixed on this completely knock out girl crossing the road. My collegue who was sitting on the co-passenger seat didn't even notice the car avoiding a near death situation( well not so dramatic.. but i cud have been beaten to death by my dad for scratching his car). His eyes were fixed on the girl for such a long time that two cycles tripped over his drooling tongue. And he's been married for 5 years and has a kid.

This got me thinking as to what the female of the species possess that beats up grown men into submission.

If the emperor of Rome was time warped into the future and transported to my company's campus, he'd ask his aide (who, naturally, has also been time warped and transported to future) " Say phramelious de zessimus! what country is this? is this rome? do women inhabit this place ?"

Phramelious de zessimus, the emperors aide and lieutenant would politely reply " aye sir! theres one well-built sample walking towards the cafeteria". By that time the emperor would have tripped over his robe ( the superman sort of towel hanging from the back) and fallen down.

Yah! some girls have that in them. If the DNA of some of these species were carefully structured to make them appear similar to what people would call "drop dead stunning looks"; Generals, Majors, Minors, Emperors, Ministers begin to yell "Lord! love a duck" and they fall trip, drool, blush like 5 year olds.

But its cruel when someone tries to woo chics unsuccessfully. there is a bakery close by our office campus where our whole gang( a group of six people) frequent everyday. There we saw a guy who'd brought this average looking girl along with him. He mustve have probably tried pretty hard to get this girl to allow herself to be seen in public with him. It did appear that he finally got his wish after long hours/days/years of trying. He wanted to make most of this opportunity and he was marketing the bakery ( okay.. face it! its a run down joint with a few breads and a microwave oven) like it was a miniature replica of the Galeria mall. Given the desparation he had to make the girl eat something and pay for it, he was doing a better job than lottery ticket salesmen in bus stands, selling each and every item in the bakery.

The chic had completely clouded his brain, his sense of judment and even awareness of his surroundings. We were all watching this abject creature literally begging her to have buns, puffs, cakes, choclates.. aything. The girl under normal circumstances would have put the "auto-meter" on him and stuffed her face like a somalian refugee. But like all girls upon seeing the suddden attention given to their own miserable existence, she kept saying "no..please ..no .. i am not hungry". Finally the guy said, "how about tea". Seeing her hesitation he thought he'd struck gold and began marketing tea to the girl. " My friends say tea is very good here! Excellent tea in this bakery! Have tea'na". After 5 minutes of "please..Please" and " no...no" ( Guys its a bakery not bedroom). The girl finally agreed. The guy proud of his triumph gave a commanding order " gimme two tea's". Upon which the boy behind the counter calmly replied " sir! we dont sell tea here".

Already amused at the whole episode, our entire gang started laughing loudly. The boy must've sensed we were laughing at him and ushered the girl to the stationery store quickly.

This reminds me of the days where I lectured young adolsceents on how to deal with this whole growing-up and chics phase, I was not known for my eloquence, prose or poetry. My thesis on "251 ways to look at girl without losing your dignity" was very popular and was formally accepted by IEEE Male Circuits & Chics.

Whenever young folks approached me with a problem of a similar kind, I'd remark profoundly (quoting extensively from my thesis) , " machaan! the behavior is because of the short circuit!. The balls and brains get short circuited, the testoestrone flows through the brains and you end up thinking through your balls and things get warped to the point where you dunno the difference between your elbow and your ass". This phenomenon is what causes grown men to fall trip, drool, blush and yell "Lord! love a duck". Its all explained by science.. you know! Even Fox Mulder succumbed.

India is a cool place in the sense that good looking chics are strewn around generously for everybody to have a look. Its lords way of telling men.. " look what I can do!! And theres a lot more where these came from... only if you pray properly". Last week in the lunch cafeteria, I was watching another one of God's poetic creations on full display, I turned around to my gang of friends to share my sense of artsyness with them. There were 6 of us and 4 were married and the four married men followed the object of everyones attention until she dissappeared over the horizon of the stairs.

Thats the magic of bonding between men, sharing remarks on good looking chics breaks ice, develops business and can even acheive world piece. If only Vajpayee and Musharaff shared their thoughts on Lovely Aish! Kashmir wuld cease to be a problem anymore. So many times when my eyes trail on a good looking chic and I meet the eyes of my friend who has been doin the same thing, we'd smile and nod at each other in complete understanding. The brotherhood of men is bounded by a common interest.

Saw an episode of MASH yesterday where Frank is shaving before yet another clandestine date with Margaret.

Hawkeye asks Frank: "so Frank ! you have a hot date tonight"

Frank Replies: " Just because a man shaves doesnt mean he does it for a women. you know.."

Hawkeye Interrupts: " Yes! it only means a man has a date! thats why shaving was invented! To kill time and impress women"

But isnt it hawkeye who made this lovely quote about women.

"What a unique device, the human tush. An architectural marvel, one of a kind... actually two of a kind.Designed to support our weight for a lifetime of sitting, it also has the subtlety to do the samba. And when attached to certain members of the female species at a time when light summer dresses are worn can cause some of us to drive our cars straight up a lamp post."

I almost drove mine up a lamp post!