Tuesday, December 07, 2004

"No more tears left for me to shed today! Sir!" ( Edited and new material added)

[[[ A couple of thoughts on the same topic recently occured to me and I decided to add it at the end of this blog ]]]

Saritha (name changed to protect identity) is a sad story of a human being. She earns a handful but she leads a horrible life. She cries for 4 hours everyday. I am not exaggerating even a little bit. She really cries a minimum of 4 hours everyday. Not just shed a tear or two, but she weeps her heart out for 120 minutes. What cruelty has life done to her.

As a child she was molested by her uncle and has carried the pain with her for 15 years. Instead of exposing him to the society, she bears the frustration within herself. she then marries a person who constantly suspects her integrity. She has a friend who is only her counsellor and friend. But her husband doubts her integrity. Everyday between 2:00 PM to 2:30 PM in the afternoon, she cries her heart out explaining to her husband that she is a pure person and not commiting adultry. She has to, in tears, explain to her mother-in-law, father-in-law, b-i-l, b-i-l's wife about her solid integrity to her husband.

Between 3:30 and 4:00 clk she has another monumental problem to face. Her brother's wife is cheating her of an inheritance property due to her. She has been reduced to tears while explaining to her brother that love and affection is more important than money. she is further reduced to tears when her brother's wife brainwashes her brother and makes him not trust her.

Between 7:00 to 7:30 she has to handle a person who is blackmailing her because 3 years before she inadvertently committed a fraud at her work place, which was witnessed by this man. He wants her to give him money frequently. Her colleague whom she has known for 7 years is madly in love with her and keeps proposing to her everyday. She cries to him and pleads with him to stop loving her and instead find someone else. She is unable to tell him about the blackmailer and her emotional state of mind.

Between 8:30 to 9:00 is her biggest problem , she has to attend to her sister, who is a cancer patient. She has to attend to her every need. At the same time medical costs are increasing, the doctors are rude and want to send her out. She appeals to some rich business people and a rich carnautic music singer to donate money for her sister's treatment. Instead the singer also falls in love with her and wants her to bear his child even though he is already married ( he does not yet have a child from his first house).

Such is Saritha's state!! She cries 120 minute a day non-stop. No woman has shed tears so much. Her life is entering and exiting one tribulation after the other. What a horrible situation? Nobody wants to be her !! Then comes a situation where her elder sisters son,whom she loved as her own son and the only person she loved and held close to her in the entire world.. also turns against her and decides to quit studies and takes onto drugs. The first time she confronts him at 9:30PM in the night hoping to somehow cry ( again) and convince him to mend his ways..she goes through an unusual experience. She sheds a few tears and starts to speak a few words and she realizes " hey! I can't cry anymore, nobody can!"... she turns around and says "No more tears left for me to shed today! Sir!"

The producer of Radaan Creations is stunned and as the director yells "Cut! Cut!" he runs to get glycerine hoping that would work. But alas! even glycerine can't make Saritha cry. He recruited Saritha purely because nobody could cry as much as Saritha could. She seemed to have the biggest repository of tears in India.

Okay Readers! I made you look like a sucker right :-) Sucked you right into the trick didn't I ? ( accept...accept). Such a title makes you think, I am going to talk about something serious right??!! It should be something melodramatic. I have to take my readers slowly slowly (even painfully) slowly to the crux of my story, step by step, and by the time I deliver the message to them they should be crying their hearts out! Isn't that a good idea ? Unfortunately it wouldnt be original! Because the readers have been seeing TV soap operas for quite sometime. Yes! Its the Mega Serials that I am going to blog about.

Saritha is not a fictional character. She is for real. There are at least 15 - 20 paid professionals in India like Saritha who cry for at least 120 minutes every day. I can't believe how come they have so much tears left to keep crying day after day after day after day after day. There has got to be some limit to the amount of tears even a Mega Serial actresses can shed. Imagine Saritha is really well-paid! But what a horrible job profile. Makes me feel proud of my work (ooooo!!!!). Would anybody here want to manage a life post-uncle molested tackling a suspecting husband, MIL,FIL,BIL,Mrs. BIL and that too for exactly 26 minutes ( minus advertisements) and then fight a inheritance-property fight with your brother's family and then go through the ordeal of a blackmailer and a romeo-collegue, a cancer-patient-sister, an adultrous carnautic musician and finally find out that the person to whom you are "chitti" (choti ma - a.k.a aunt) is on drugs.

Man! what a sad life? I wouldn't go through this for millions of dollars ( okay the plural in millions is tempting me).

Now there is a positive thing to Saritha's life. SHE GETS PAID!!!!!

Think about the billion dorks who sit in front of the TV and watch her cry. How sorry is their lives? Seriously a person must lead a pathetic ( a really really pathetic) life to rush back home from traffic jams (or) to finish cooking early and sacrificing afternoon sleep (or) refusing to talk to guests who visit your house ( even the guests are from a far off land whom you may never see again) (or) basically give up every inch of your social life or any other aspect of your life JUST TO SIT in front of the TV and watch Saritha cry.

How sorry is that person's life to watch Mega serials with their children and (as "The Hindu"'s recent survey suggests) watch the children grow up as confused-between-reality-and-mega-serials and think-the-whole-world-is-a-conspiracy-plotted-by-crying-people and in-turn end up as screwed up maladjusted, demented, emotionally-unstable, corrupted, sad, sorry teenagers ? I wouldn't want this kind of life ( even if there were seven plurals to a million dollars).

I have two suggestions to people who watch mega serials

1) Dont open the door after 11:00 AM in the morning. Keep the guests out instead of letting them in and insulting them ( 90% of mega serial watchers fall in the latter category and 9.99% fall into the former)

2) Dont watch Mega serials with children ( This includes mildly pregnant women to heavily pregnant women). Let Children be in another room and let them watch porn instead ( its less harmful to children than these stupid mega serials). Really!!!! Studies seem to suggest that such serials can have a huge negative impact on children. You are addicted and maybe you cannot be saved because you are a fool!! so you please go ahead and get screwed. But at least save your child from this nonsense.

And finally (and i quote my uncle in most points below) it is

1) Mega Serial and not Meha Serial
2) Bhagavaan and not Bhahavaan
3) Aunty and not Aenti
4) Uncle and not Aengiel
5) Love and not Lauve ( this is patented to the lane avenue desi's of The Ohio State University)

Edit:

1) A cousin of mine got married on November of 2001. This was when "chitti" was in its final few episodes. The marriage reception was between 7:30 to 9:30. You should have seen the clamour of dining hall space at 8:30. The Mega serial maniacs had reverse-worked out the timings and started fighting for seats at 8:30 itself. At 9:15 the population of the marriage hall decreased by 80% of what it was at 9:12. And the auto drivers were whipped around like horses to get home before 9:30 PM ( "run pegasus.. run.. whip whip.. run pegasus"). The bride and the groom both out-of-towners didn't know what hit them. During the finale of "chitti", I dragged along my entire extended family to Thirupathi. You should have seen the look on their faces. The whole train they were discussing "what would have happened" as if they were discussing " if only he was alive today"

2) Imagine a family, stupid enough to visit a mega serial maniacal family's house at 9:28 PM. What would happen? They open the door with disgust plainly written on their faces. There is a contrived smile and within the first 3 sentences you will find the host saying "we just now finished our dinner and sat down to watch XYZ serial. It is now going supeeeeerbly" . Any conversation even if its pertaining to bernoulli's equation it will somehow be changed to a topic concerning the episode thats going to start in 2 minutes. During the the title song sequence ( which is about 3 years 220 days 14 hrs and 17 minutes long) the host ask questions which typically have an yes or no answer type, so that the guests don't continue answering( read blabbering) even after the actual serial starts. The moment the actual serial starts silence falls on the room. And everybody's eyes are riveted to the TV. Now there are really stupid guests ( really really stupid ones) who have the audacity to start up a conversation after the serial has begun. Typically there are three type of responses.

a) The host nodds ( never speaks) with eyes fixed on the TV ( category: polite hosts )
b) The host increases the volume of the TV ( category: semi-polite hosts )
c) The host waves their hands curtly + increase the TV volume + pull their chair a little closer towards the TV ( category: regular people comprising 98% of the viewing audience)

When the advertisement break occurs the hosts continue the conversation as if nothing had happened. Still the questions are objective type only and the body positions of the hosts are geared such that any rambling is cut-off. Now the guests finally get the point and they decide to leave . The moment they say " we will make a move on" Something critical happens in that mega serial ( it could involve a dialog being spoken after a year long hiatus) and the entire guests family will shout " paavi! how dare she say like this what a bad person". Seeing the grand departure turning out to be an embarrasment the guests get up and get ready to leave. At this time the hosts choose a victim(usually the youngest person) in the family to escort the guests out of the house ( everybody else is sitting in their chairs unmoved watching TV). Even this victim has his eyes fixed to the TV and quickly says bye to the guests and closes the door. When the next advertisement comes ( and only when the next advt comes) the host family discuss among themselves " what mannerless people, disgusting uncourteous people. They dont even know when to visit us"

The guests who are travelling in the autorikshaw talk to themslves " is the family we helped by lending money for a person to undergo a critical bypass surgery?"

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

wow!!!!!!!
u really gonna try and go back to chennai after writing this!!!!!

There just might be a small angry mob of about a milion, waiting for u with burning torches......and led by members of our family!!!:):)

-nithin

Saurabh said...

Hehehe ... ( clap clap clap )

Sorry, but I can't really emphathise with you coz of 2 reasons :
1. My mom's not addicted to the TV
2. We have no cable :) ( except for some channels that do leak in ;) )

Anyways, when my grandmom comes along to visit, then, we have to lugg the TV into another room ... which is in proximity to the cable wire which is running all across our balcony ... so that we can ... you know ... ;)
So that she can sit all night and watch these very serials ...

Hmm ...
In the end, some of the benefits of getting only DD ... eh ?

Anonymous said...

I don't know about you guys, but I noticed the soap addiction circa 1995. Mom would not accompany me anywhere in the evenings if I can't promise to be back before 'Chitti'. Uncles and aunts were even worse. If I showed up at their house during a 'cry session', then I was imposing. I gave up on these a long time ago and apparently it has gotten worse. At least, here in the US, with the advent of DVR, mom is not worried about missing her shows and venturing out in the evenings.

--Ramesh

Anonymous said...

Lol! That was hilarious! Good post!
Now that I have SUN TV at home, I too have kinda gotten into watching these so called Mega serials....not all of them though....just one or two that I watch twice or maybe thrice a week....not 'coz I enjoy watching them, but just 'coz they remind me of India and it seems as though for that brief half hour, I've been transported to back home :-)...even if I am not actually watching the show, I let it run in the background, so that I get to hear some Tamil-speaking voices :-)
I esp. enjoy the commercials....
~Anu

Anonymous said...

U write really well buddy..
Damn hilarious !!
Keep up the good work..!!

Hema said...

Hey,

Accidently happen to read this blog only now. Recently we had a bank holiday weekend here in London (Dont ask me what a Bank holiday weekend means, its simply yet another excuse for you to laze around at home instead of doing the same in office) and we (me and hubby) decided to visit our friend in Birmigham which is a 3 hour drive from our place. Extremely pleased with our friend's invitation to actually stay in his place for the 3 days and go visit some fantastic places around Birmingham we packed our bags and few presents for them and was looking forward to our trip almost one month in advance.

We reached his place and found he had recently given a Sun TV connection and all he ever spoke about was the serials and the timing and the stories to our utter dismay. (Me and hubby hardly ever see any programs except news in BBC, we dont have any cable),and ended spending the whole time babysitting his 1 1/2 year old son and cooking for the family while they had a "vacation" in front of Sun.

No more tears left for me to shed on the wasted holiday :(