Thursday, February 03, 2005

Young Free & Single

As the curtain draws close on the 'single'ness part of my life, I can't but feel amazed to see the number of books being written about being single. The title of this blog is the name of a song by BoneyM. At some point in time "Young Free and Single" was my favorite song for like years.

I was reading Paul Reisner's (The "Mad about you" guy) Couplehood. Its a really interesting book because of the way he describes the many aspects of being single. Think about this for a moment. It is difficult to explain it the way Paul does but I'll give it my best shot.

You are single. You come back home from the office, open you house door and enter an empty drawing room. There is nobody in the house. Then for the next few minutes you just keep staring blankly. You are not looking at something in particular.. just staring. Then you wake up from your stupor and go near a table... drop your keys, your badge and then stay there staring for some more time. Just staring. Thinking about nothing. Then you go into the restroom for a wash. You switch on the lights and you stare into the mirror. Blank stares. Again thinking about nothing in particular. You start a train of thought and then switch to something else and then give up on thinking itself. You are there for a while ...doing nothing. Then you realize you came into the rest room for some purpose and move on.

Let me tell you! If somebody is videotaping you!!!! they'd put you in an asylum.

Now think about another situation! if you have someone else with you in the house and if you dare so much as to continue with this habit of involuntary blank stares! You will get questions like " what is the problem ? Is there a problem. Did some thing happen at work?" The horrible part is you can never communicate that you are just being blank at that moment. This innocuous situation could easily blow up into " you are hiding something from me! tell me what it is?"

Now! Moms are different from Wives. They are used to these blank stares and stupid gawking postures that sons give out all the time. They have not spared our dads though!! Moms are smart enough to quickly put an end to such activities by their husbands. But they are generous enough to allow their sons to be weird. You stare blankly at a glass of water for a very long time. They dont care!! You take the remote control and keep staring at it without switching the TV ON! Not a problem!. They have gotten used to you smiling when nobody is around. They know you just remembered a joke from an old TV series or you were thinking about some stupid thing you said to some girl or about something that happened at school. But Wives are different they want to know "Why?". Your every action, every move ( or lack of it) should have a meaning. You have to answer questions like "what are your thinking of now ?" ( Pssst... learn from me.. Bipasha Basu is a wrong could end your life on the spot) Living in the same house they wanna know if you are really a human being or just a stuffed toy ( and bloody cruel joke by her mother-in-law)

I think people fundamentally wanna stay single. They are hurtling towards marriage and they are trying all they can to stop this great speed at which they going towards marriage. The put the breaks, throw their legs out and sort of screeeech stop themselves (like in a car).

You say:: my horoscope says distinctly that I could become mentally unstable by 35.
She says: Not a problem
You: I am raving maniac, I am a shoplifter, I scream loudly at 2:00 AM in the night.
She: No sweat! I'll take care of it!
You: What about compatibility. Thats an issue nowadays! Are you sure we are compatible? are you? are you?
She: yes! yes! yes!
You: I am a double agent. I work for the intelligence agency. I could go away anytime and never come back
She: ho...hum
You: I don't exactly brush in my restroom. I sort of go all around the house and clean stuff while I brush my teeth. Are you okay with that gurgling noise ?
She: It will be changed.

(then you try and stun her)

You: I pee in my bed.
She: (calling your bluff) I'll plug it!
You: Look at me!! when we go out together.. I shout at other people on the road, fight with people who don't switch off their cell phone in movie theaters. I am a bad person.
She: I don't care. I still want to marry you.!
You: (fall down in shock)
She: Picks you up and sends you to the dry cleaner.

So marriage is something that happens when you try and do all that you can to stop it! But she doesn't care! She doesn't care that you are a kleptomaniac, a double agent, a bedwetter, "monch monch" - loud eater. She is okay with everything. Can you believe that? Okay with everything. Its just like another you! but only better!

Then you take your legs of the brakes , stop the leg screeching and decide to hurtle away, if not anything else you hurtle much more faster. Marriage happens when you give up on trying to be single.


Anonymous said...

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anantha said...

Enna ore feelings.. Bayamaa illa anticipation a? :))
lol... anyways congrats :)

Hawkeye said...


Anti.. no Bayam..only fear!

Anonymous said...

hey Bharat, if all that is true then what exactly clicked u to get married?
But anyways i really likied the way u have presented ur thoughts here for every word seems so true to me...god work !

Anonymous said...

sorry for the error , i meant that i liked the way u have presented ur thoughts here and good work !