Thursday, July 28, 2005

How to spend a vacation?

Okay! I have not slept this many hours since my 12th grade vacations. If you guys didn't already know how to spend a vacation, I'll tell you. Stop all activities that you do, one-by-one until you merge in and fade-out with some of the furniture in your house. To do this -- you have to develop a reputation that "this guy wont do work around the house even if he was paid every second". So they don't trouble you if you have been sitting and staring at nothing for 40 minutes after you get up ( in the morning...its only 20 minutes in the afternoon). If 12 hours in the night and 4 hours in the day don't prepare you for a tough demanding 2 years then what will. In case you were wondering how I get away with murder...that was my reason. I have not done any work at home in the post-independence era. And I was born after independence. Oh! btw.. I charge 60$/hr for lessons on "How to avoid work at home". Great specialists on this subject have gone to great lengths to avoid work. But they haven't realized that "going to great lengths" is also work. I can teach you to avoid even that.

Oh! Some people still think I am newly married. Which is good. The truth is in the last 4-5 months, I have been so busy with other things that I did not visit any of the near-and-dears category. Every house we visited we had the "aarthi" plate, ya the one with the red liquid, two ladies moving the plate in circular fashion and singing a song welcoming us. Ah! The traditional newly-married-couple welcomes. I love it. I forgot that people flood you with great gifts the first time you visit them after marriage. If the relatives are your wife's then the gifts double. Ask me! I am 7 T-Shirts, 3 Dhotis and 2 Shirt-Cloth-material richer. All this was earned in 1 evening. How you may ask? "But you just said you didn't do any work , why do you say earned?", you may wonder. I'll tell you. I went to their houses, had coffee, tiffin and in more than one place - dinner. While my wife was on the emotional " I don't know when I'll see them again", I was thinking, "I am sure they will serve me basundhi". What... take care of the girl who has been the darling of the family! ya sure! why not? No problem.. Foreign country..BAH!!!! Detroit is the safest place in the world :-).

And then I was forced to do work.

Trained 3 people ( 2 cousins and a wife) for their car driving license test. I thought driving license tests in India was like "hmm.. lets see your face.. good looking chic..eh.. PASS". "Lets see unshaven.. bum in faded jeans..and T-Shirt with stuff written on it.. reverse..gear-up ..gear-down, drive left.. drive upside down". But it has changed now. They really test. My cousin was denied license the first time, when I thought she would be given one before she sat in the car. So here I was teaching girls how to drive a car. That's like teaching me to watch Mega Serials. A lot of people are politically correct when it comes to women and driving licenses. I am not. Sorry women! I don't think 60% of you, driving around in India, deserve a license. Really you don't. While men fail license tests because of "drives too rashly".."brakes jerkily" kind of reasons.. women fail driving tests because " didn't press clutch before changing gears", "Didn't know what a clutch was", "tried to ignition an already running car".

my throat is hoarse yelling "clutch..clutch..brake...brake...BRAAAAAKE".

Birthday's used to be nice once-upon-a-time. Now they are nasty reminders of old-age. It seems like only yesterday I was jumping with joy for breaking into double-digits age wise. Now its like "don't pile on the agony...man". But then I got more T-Shirts. Advise to folks in Chennai. Vridhavan restaurant in New Woodlands is not a good restaurant. We were a 15 member troupe and everything from service to food sucked. Puliyodharai, Adhirsam, Vadai in Triplicane temple rocks. I ate 2 in each variety. Thanks Mr.Parthasarathy. Give my regards to Arjunan and all the ladies there.

Did I tell you. And I told this a billion times that day. Me and my wife share the same birth date (the DD/MM in the DD/MM/YYYY string). We were also born the same day of the week.

12 comments:

tifoc said...

lucky you...you dont have to remember your wife's b'day ;-)

forrestgump said...

very interesting.

Danius Maximus said...

you did it on purpose! its ok to admit it, we should all be so luck to find someone who shares the vital date

Hawkeye said...

tifoc,

yes! that is true. I am really grateful for that!

Hawkeye said...

forrestgump,

it is isn't it?

Hawkeye said...

danisu maximus,

:-). the knack is to make things that suit ur laziness appear as if they happened on their own.

Anonymous said...

Dei... forgot... u r a leo... and ur birthday is one of these days.... i really forgot... anyways...
Many Many Happy Returns of that day. :-) ....

-- sri( ur disclaimer blog... is a bit long... but an interesting one.. )

Hawkeye said...

is sri == sriki123???

Anonymous said...

yup...
buddy ..

~ sri

senthil said...

Hey bharath,
i just read all ur blogs that u wrote after ur break.
i'm sure u will do gr8 in ur MBA ( whr ru goin ??)
After reading ur disclaimer, especially the part bout plagiarism -- i thought why have u not given due credit to Fight Club for ur opening page note ( about consumerism)..
Anyway all the best man.

-senthil

Hawkeye said...

senthil,

agreed! i thought it wud be obvious and somewhere in the commenst exchange between me and a person called babs i did mention that...

the thing is i dunno where i should mention this..the place on top allows only limited characters and now i cant even add one extra character.

Hawkeye said...

senthil,

its now in the disclaimer blog