Kabali Times, Vadodara, Gujarat, July 13th:
A boy caused wide spread panic and commotion in southern parts of Vadodara city due to an inability to differentiate between menstruation, the female monthly period of menses discharge, and mensuration, a mathematical subject on measurement of geometric quantities.
Arjun Singhal, 17 year old resident of Vadodara, son of an owner of 2 BMWs, student in M.S University hit the headlines like never before. Arjun was sitting with his girlfriend Sarika Patel, 15 years old, in a cozy corner of Kamati Bagh. As he cooed up to her in a sexy way and asked her if they could break the IPC together. Sarika replied "No Arjun! I have my menstruation period. It is not possible now". Press reports and reports from other mannerless, eavesdropping onlookers told us that Sarika almost fainted in bewilderment when Arjun replied "Yes! I can totally understand. Menstruation is extremely difficult for me too. I suffered for two years because of it. I could not pass 9th standard because of it"
Residents, near IPCL Refinery, reported a terrified Sarika running away from Arjun shouting "you cheat! you rascal". This caused a commotion and the PTI agencies were alerted of this sudden development. Press reporters rushed towards Arjun, who was having a Vada Pav, in Motilal Snake Center. After polishing his 24 carat 6 Kg gold chain, spitting out the remanants of Pan Parag, and paying the shopkeeper in kesh, Arjun Singhal confronted the press.
"You know it is true", he said with indignation. " Menstruation comes in 9th std right? I could never pass menstruation. My brother passed it, my uncle passed it, even my father passed. No matter how hard I tried, I always couldn't pass. It is difficult you know. Even my girlfriends in 9th standard were passing menstruation, but I couldn't. It became a status problem and social stigma for me. I have been pregnant with self-esteem problems since then"
The Police, who were informed of this incident, came 3 hours later than usual. 'The usual' - was a delay of 24 hours. DSP Niral Jindal confirmed to waiting mediamen that Arjun Singhal would be provided appropriate medical care. Famous cricketer and Baroda player, Parthiv Patel went on strike upon hearing this news. He vowed never to play for India again and resign from the post of the baby-faced cricketer. Human Rights association demanded equal rights for Arjun and were seen protesting, curiously in front of Gujarat Animal Husbandry Department. They were also found to be shouting slogans against President. George Bush. When contacted, Suman, the leader of the small group, mentioned that enough time had not been given for his group to practice slogans against this new situation and so they went ahead and protested with their old slogans. "I was told that it is a violation of human rights to force uneducated paid-by-the-hour human right workers to learn new slogans overnight. I had to take the logic at face value", he announced regrettably to the 2 Kabali Times press reporters gathered around him.
Finally, Lalitha Madam, Surf Detergent Advertisement Model & English teacher, Sardar Vallabhai Patel School, put the situation at rest by showing Arjun Singhal's 9th standard report card. It showed that he had scored the lowest in English - 9/100. This cleared all doubts about the apparent Mensuration and Menstruation issue. It became clear that Arjun Singh could never read English properly and always assumed both as the same thing. Arjun was last seem pleading to mediapersons that he was indeed weak in menstruation. Meanwhile unconfirmed reports from (un)reliable sources told this pressperson that his mother, Sarita Behn (Behn not a surname), has not yet returned after leaving home to search for her son in the non-existent men's ration shop. This is seen as a developing situation in CNN
Kiran More was unavailable for comment
Reuter, Kabali Times.