Thursday, July 13, 2006

Boy Mistakes Menstruation for Mensuration: Panic in Vadodara


Kabali Times, Vadodara, Gujarat, July 13th:

A boy caused wide spread panic and commotion in southern parts of Vadodara city due to an inability to differentiate between menstruation, the female monthly period of menses discharge, and mensuration, a mathematical subject on measurement of geometric quantities.

Arjun Singhal, 17 year old resident of Vadodara, son of an owner of 2 BMWs, student in M.S University hit the headlines like never before. Arjun was sitting with his girlfriend Sarika Patel, 15 years old, in a cozy corner of Kamati Bagh. As he cooed up to her in a sexy way and asked her if they could break the IPC together. Sarika replied "No Arjun! I have my menstruation period. It is not possible now". Press reports and reports from other mannerless, eavesdropping onlookers told us that Sarika almost fainted in bewilderment when Arjun replied "Yes! I can totally understand. Menstruation is extremely difficult for me too. I suffered for two years because of it. I could not pass 9th standard because of it"

Residents, near IPCL Refinery, reported a terrified Sarika running away from Arjun shouting "you cheat! you rascal". This caused a commotion and the PTI agencies were alerted of this sudden development. Press reporters rushed towards Arjun, who was having a Vada Pav, in Motilal Snake Center. After polishing his 24 carat 6 Kg gold chain, spitting out the remanants of Pan Parag, and paying the shopkeeper in kesh, Arjun Singhal confronted the press.

"You know it is true", he said with indignation. " Menstruation comes in 9th std right? I could never pass menstruation. My brother passed it, my uncle passed it, even my father passed. No matter how hard I tried, I always couldn't pass. It is difficult you know. Even my girlfriends in 9th standard were passing menstruation, but I couldn't. It became a status problem and social stigma for me. I have been pregnant with self-esteem problems since then"

The Police, who were informed of this incident, came 3 hours later than usual. 'The usual' - was a delay of 24 hours. DSP Niral Jindal confirmed to waiting mediamen that Arjun Singhal would be provided appropriate medical care. Famous cricketer and Baroda player, Parthiv Patel went on strike upon hearing this news. He vowed never to play for India again and resign from the post of the baby-faced cricketer. Human Rights association demanded equal rights for Arjun and were seen protesting, curiously in front of Gujarat Animal Husbandry Department. They were also found to be shouting slogans against President. George Bush. When contacted, Suman, the leader of the small group, mentioned that enough time had not been given for his group to practice slogans against this new situation and so they went ahead and protested with their old slogans. "I was told that it is a violation of human rights to force uneducated paid-by-the-hour human right workers to learn new slogans overnight. I had to take the logic at face value", he announced regrettably to the 2 Kabali Times press reporters gathered around him.

Finally, Lalitha Madam, Surf Detergent Advertisement Model & English teacher, Sardar Vallabhai Patel School, put the situation at rest by showing Arjun Singhal's 9th standard report card. It showed that he had scored the lowest in English - 9/100. This cleared all doubts about the apparent Mensuration and Menstruation issue. It became clear that Arjun Singh could never read English properly and always assumed both as the same thing. Arjun was last seem pleading to mediapersons that he was indeed weak in menstruation. Meanwhile unconfirmed reports from (un)reliable sources told this pressperson that his mother, Sarita Behn (Behn not a surname), has not yet returned after leaving home to search for her son in the non-existent men's ration shop. This is seen as a developing situation in CNN

Kiran More was unavailable for comment

Reuter, Kabali Times.

37 comments:

Hawkeye said...

A dedication to Bosey.

Kabali Times while holding bosey as an inspiration will try and provide adequate competition to Bosey in the future.

Anonymous said...

this seems like i have revisited my 2nd standard class again. what a sense of humour

Sridhar said...

maan! awesome. I laughed so loudly people in my office were looking at me in a funny way. totally awesome

Ritesh said...

are u on dope? nobody could write such a funny post w/o being drunk. hilarious. totally totally hilarious.

u rock!

Libu said...

Oh my my my.Hillarious post.Looking forward to such post in the future as well.Gud work.

Sudha said...

lol! rotflol! hilarious!

Rohit said...

Way to go boss !! lol

journeylist said...

err...parthiv is from ahmedabad, not vadodara!!

Anonymous said...

parthiv plays for baroda in ranji

Hawkeye said...

journeylist,

no kidding! so thats the only factual error i made in this other totally 'real' blog spot :-)

vatsan said...

Sexy!!

Anonymous said...

0% logic 100% magic
Amazing stuff, very hilarious indeed !!

Vijay Krishna said...

Arjun amma yaaru?

Abhilash Ravishankar said...

Finally! Some good ol' humor!

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

lol. too mach.

Rk said...

Dude...you have got terrific sense of humour !! Me a fan, from now.

journeylist said...

well...not to be nitpicking or anything. but to add to the brilliant 'authenticity', maybe you could have said Irfan Pathan since he does happen to live here.
:-) but great stuff in any case

Anonymous said...

What is IPC ?

Ritesh said...

IPC = indian penal code.

duh!

Happy-Go-Lucky said...

This reminds of my classmate in engg who asked a nedry female classmate for stimulator for him to use at night from home. He was refering to 8086 microprocessor simulator software.

The Inquisitive Akka said...

Aiyo! There used to be kids at school who used to giggle when they heard the word mensuration. Poor Arjun! Ignorance isn't always bliss is it???:)

Tanushree said...

It's beautiful! You truly have a talent for creative reporting! Keep writing!

Hawkeye said...

sridhar, ritesh,

thanks

Hawkeye said...

libu, sudha, rohit,

thanks. im hoping i can do kabali times with some regularity.

Hawkeye said...

vatsan, anon2,

very shankar'ish. but thanks anyway :-)

Hawkeye said...

vijay krishna,

sarita began

abhilash, rk,

thanks

Hawkeye said...

journeylist,

no problem! like an anonymous pointed out parthiv plays for baroda, hence the reference

Hawkeye said...

the girl from ipanema,

thanks! and wow! what a handle!

Hawkeye said...

happy-go-lucky,

actualy nerdy female might have correctly understood it to be 8086 m.processor. you get what I mean ... no dammit.. i menat microprocessor subject stimulates her. :-)

Hawkeye said...

akka,

aah! the memorable school days! people giggled for all sorts of things. but they knew stuff.

Hawkeye said...

tanushree,

thanks . i am hoping to

Swapna said...

That was funny... :)

Nidhi said...

lolllllllllllllll

S said...

freakin' hilarious!!!!! =)) ROTFLMAO!! =))

super blog you've got here - loved rambling thru ur stuff!! :D

Nityam said...

good skills...you made an extremely tired and bored barodian laugh out loud! I wonder if you've got more of it coming this way!

sania said...

dude u r hilarious.u rok

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