Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Hair Cut

Many people, who know me also know my adventures with the barber. My love-hate affairs with the barber has existed since the dawn of time. It is a matter that has caused constant embarassment to my standing among my gentleman friends. Let me throw out one of my classic experiences in the hair cut shop.

[ This is about 8 years before. The place is Columbus, OH. The hair-cut is over. I have paid the bill and I am about to leave. The hair cut person was a chinese woman]

Barber: wutch u like appon
Me: huh! Excuse me
Barber: woultch you ..eke.. a pon
Me: I am sorry I didn't hear you
Barber: wud you like ko-pon
Me: No Thanks. Sorry.
Barber: Shocked
My friend1: Shocked1
My Friend2: Shocked2.
Barber (in a sad voice): would ...you.. cu pon
Me: No! I don't. Sorry.
(everybody becomes sad... we walk out)
My Friend: Why did you say that?
Me: I didn't want a coupon.
My Friend: What coupon?
Me: the coupon she offered
My Friend: She asked if you liked the haircut??!!!

So needless to say I don't hear other accents very well.

This super-hearing accent powers does not always end up insulting the barber. Most of the times I am the butt of most jokes. Like the instance where I walked into the hair cut shop and said "short on the sides and long in the middle. Lets say you start with a 3 on the top and 2 in the sides and taper it down to a 1 near the ear". The woman nodded enthusiastically and used a 1cm machine all over my head. And if you can recognize machines by the centi-meters, a 1 cm machine leads to tonsure. And there I was, a new employee, in my first job, walking around like a trainspotting lead character.

I have never had a good hair cut in my life. I am still searching for it. Yestarday, I took time to clearly explain the "short on the sides and long in the middle. Lets say you start with a 3 on the top and 2 in the sides and taper it down to a 1 near the ear". I made sure she understood it and then let her cut. In about 20 seconds she tonsured me clean. I think 3 cms in Chicago is different from 3 cms in Ann Arbor and 3 cms in Dallas or Columbus. I seriously think this cm thing is a scam. I did not know 3 cms is short. Short enough for people to stifle a giggle when they see me. She was working on a 2 cm thing on the side of my head and I stopped her. I asked her, if there was anything left to cut except my head. She seemed to think there was. Maybe if they kept a microscope on my head, she could have found a strand or two to cut. My wife fell out of the chair when she saw me walk out of the chair. I have grown tired of the jibes. It is so insulting when she uses my head as a mock tabla instrument. My gentleman friends at least spared me from that ignominy.

p.s: I look like 'sethu' Vikram

28 comments:

Anu said...

Post a picture plz. I could do with a good laugh! :)

anantha said...

Indha confusion naale dhaan, I just go there and sit and tell the guy/lady that I want to look professional! And they do their thing. I dont complain much ;)

Born a Libran said...

Who hasnt had a bad haircut? But the coupon-hair cut story is a gem...

M (tread softly upon) said...

This was so funny. May be you can teach your wife to use the clipper. After the initial few visits my hubby made to the barber shop and coming back looking like a Marine I took matters into my own hands and now can chop off exactly the way I want it.

Deepa said...

And I thought only women have problems with hair salons. I stand enlightened, I hear you.:-)

anantha said...

M (tread softly upon):

After the initial few visits my hubby made to the barber shop and coming back looking like a Marine I took matters into my own hands and now can chop off exactly the way I want it.

That's scary :D

D.N.A. said...

You should probably ask them to use scissors on top instead of clippers. By that way, you can stop them when you think it's enough.

Hawkeye said...

anu,

no! i am moving out of the involuntary entertainment business

Hawkeye said...

anantha,

see i do the conservative thing for like 3-4 months. then slowly begin to develop visions of a super life-transforming hair-cut. which leads to this

Hawkeye said...

born a libran,

i have to appreciate the lady. i went there for the next 2 years and she didnt show any 'revenge feelings' at all

Hawkeye said...

M,

I took matters into my own hands and now can chop off exactly the way I want it.

this is the reason why I wont train my wife.

anantha,

you gotta be careful man. they're taking over our lives. soon they'll want to hold the remote control and that the end of it.

Hawkeye said...

d.n.a,

yes! I think that is my solution. funny why I never thought of it.

Hawkeye said...

deepa,

its just me. from kerala saloon in pondy bazaar to Mani hair stylist in usman road to mobile hair cutters - it never worked for me.

odyssey in arya gowda road worked to a decent extent. actually ramesh hair stylist in nungambakkam high road worked very well for me, they are incredibly expensive though. it'd cost like 250 for a haircut + shave

Casement said...

Think about straightening your hair first and then getting it cut. With a 3 cm length coiled 10 times, how will the guy/girl know how much to cut?:))

F e r r a r i said...

enge sellum indha paadhai yaaro yaaro aRivaaro :)

Hawkeye said...

casement,

curly is in! i think you should also be saying this.

but what you said made the remaining two hairs fall down like a kavari maan

Hawkeye said...

ferrari-prabhu,

ya i know :-) i am scared now.

anantha said...

Hawkeye:

you gotta be careful man. they're taking over our lives. soon they'll want to hold the remote control and that the end of it.

I might not be the master of my own domain, but I am surely the master of my own remote, at least for one more year!

Teju said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Teju said...

heh heh..... haircuts always are an interesting experience...

nice one!!!

sunshine said...

ha ha.. nice one!! i'm sure u have a great collection of hats!

Hawkeye said...

teju,

interesting post you have on haircut. linked it in my recent post.

Hawkeye said...

sunshine,

you know what. its true. i have close to 15 hats

funkaboy said...

In Chicagoland, I would suggest the Great Clips chain of salons. The stylists aren't pretentious like those at HairCuttery and they store the way you like your hair cut in their PC. So you don't have to enact the whole thing the next time.

There is one near Bukhara restaurant in downtown Chicago where girls from CTS on H1 visa get $80 haircuts. Each girl goes only once ($80 is obviously expensive). Allegedly the girl photographs herself and then use it to ask their Chennai stylists to follow the same pattern. Too many people are thinking too much about haricuts :)

Hawkeye said...

funkaboy,

to start with - baguth .

totally relate to it. had a similar gang.

thansk for the tip. $80 haircuts. wow!

indianangel said...

That was really hilarous hawkeye. you got a vivid sense of humour in your writings. Keep it up

Anonymous said...

Nice blog. BTW, a "3" in this context in the US refers to 3/8". (So a "4" refers to half an inch, etc.).

Term Papers said...

You should probably ask them to use scissors on top instead of clippers. By that way, you can stop them when you think it's enough.