Thursday, October 05, 2006

Lightning Strikes (Me) Everyday

Classified Under: Rant, Mega Rant, Uber Rant.
I ordered my Marketing textbook via eBay(half.com). There were 20 sellers, selling this book. I chose the one seller, who turned out to be half.com's biggest scamster. Thats me. I can never go wrong in doing the wrong thing. "Ah! This is no biggie" you say. "You are a pessimist" you say. You are wrong. You are wrong the second time also. If this happens once, you maybe right. This happens everytime. Not once. Not twice. Everytime. And if I am living to tell you this, I am the greatest optimist the world has been. If I write a book on "The Wierd Things That Can Happen To No One But Just Me", people will be stunned at the contents of all 7 volumes, each of which will run to 3000 pages. But Ofcourse no one will never get to read it, because a weird power cut in Chicago (that only affects my desktop computer, and only those file sectors which had the book stored) will delete the soft copy of that book from my hard drive, and magically all the 300 CD backups that I did (I have reconciled to my fate so I do this multiple backups thing) will break, disappear under 300 different weirdly unique circumstances.
Ofcourse I won't have a hard copy because all the printers of the world still dont like me ( I still cant take print outs peacefully. I can't remember a single instance where I have pressed 'print' and a page has come out succesfully. Many people of today cant even understand this jinx anymore. This printer saga began when I tried to print out my 8th sem project report in undergrad. Last week, I spent 40 minutes trying to print out a 1 page resume - all 4 printers in my library stopped working when I went for my print out, when they were fixed, my access card died.. hmm). The only reason anything good happens to me is mainly because there is an error factor in Murphy's law.

Many have wondered the reason behind such a title for my blog. None knows the reason for this title. Some olakais have scoffed at it. They should recollect the instance when George Costanza lets Jerry know who the "Lord of the Idiots" is, thereby putting Jerry in his place. I am putting all ye doubters in your place. I am the Lord of Blog Name tags. Let there be no doubt about it. It has profound meaning(s). Let me tell you one of its multi-faceted meanings. They say "Lightning never strikes a man twice" - implicitly assuming that the probablity of lightning striking (Lets call it P (LS) where LS = Lightning Strike) precisely the same person twice ( which includes the low prob event of the person surviving the first strike) = zero ( in most cases). For me P(LS) = 1. Thats final.
The world of Quantum physics does not apply to me. There are no multiple worlds with multiple things happening at different probabilities. When I started this blog, I thought for about 2 nanoseconds before naming this title. It just was so obvious to me. You have to be me to understand the whole concept of lightning striking me down everyday. If you see some wierd bad ass stuff hapenning to someone and you are thinking "what freakish bad luck - this wont happen to him again" - just know that it has happened to me 300 times already.

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

It is weird and not wierd .

Hawkeye said...

look at my disclaimer item #14.

and thanks btw

Anupadmaja said...

Just for fun:

if probability of lightening striking the same place twice ~ 0 and probability of a man being in that exact location both these times ~ 0, then is it true that lightening striking a man twice is actually > 0.

Reasoning being if the man is not to be found in the same exact location at instance t (second time) and lightening too isnt supposed to occur in that same location at time t, then it means both objects (lightening and man) are elsewhere which means the probability of that second lightening striking that man is higher than if one object were to occur in the same location the second time :)

Thats probably proven by other printers not working for you :) You should have tried working some more time to get the same printer to work instead of juggling between printers :)

Please dont say Chi or thoo the next time you see me. Just generously forget that i wrote this :)

Anonymous said...

It's like that guy in OfficeSpace...

Guy: Every day of my life is worse than the day before... so, on any given day that you see me, I am having the worst day of my life...
Shrink: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Guy: Yes.
Shrink: Wow!! That's messed up, maan...

Anonymous said...

Anonymous, when you write something as funny as the office space dialogue, we would really like to know who the great philosopher is :)

Hence i am posting as an anonymous to avoid a comment like: when you say something so boring we'd rather not know you :)

Ramesh said...

but surprisingly when u blog about this , u dont faace any weirdness like blogspot being down, ur internet connection going down etc

Hawkeye said...

anu,

/* is it true that lightening striking a man twice is actually > 0. */

let me just say that it is non-zero because of me

Hawkeye said...

anon@office space,

for me every day is consistently the same. I reached the bottom arc of the asymptotic curve at birth... after that it is only a few decomal points worser than before.

Hawkeye said...

anon2,

i agree. we'd like to know the names of all the intelligent anons out there

Hawkeye said...

ramesh,

thats a separate story in itself. ill write something and click 'publish' button. it will immediately show 'page not found error'. i'll press the 'back' button with fingers crossed, eyes closed and praying. the previous page will reload as an empty page with all my stuff gone. this has happened to more than 100 of the 300 odd blogs i have written so far.

Anupadmaja said...

May be i wasnt clear.

It only seems a natural deduction of the initial assumptions that lightening can strike a man twice. Initial assumptions being probability of lightening striking the same place twice ~ 0 and probability of a man being in that exact location both these times ~ 0.

My additional just for fun point being that a person is only increasing chances of getting struck by lightening twice by being available at more places - Just wanted to make your post more spooky :) The initial assumptions in this argument being that being struck by lightening at a different place for the same person > 0. Of course there is this big assumption that all these arguments have just enough (and no more) to be fun :)

That being assumed to be true, may be your printer massacre was exacerbated by giving more printers the opportunity to screw your moment :) Printers infact have a higher probability than lightening to "strike" you. So be spooked and beware the next time.

Hawkeye said...

anu,

ya i actually did not get your point the first time. and btw it is actually a good point. i went back re-read my blog and found that i had penathified badly. thanks. i have reworded it to mean what i wanted to convey.

but i agree with all u have said.

Anupadmaja said...

And yeah thats sppoky to me because my first instinct is to try a different printer. In paranoid pithan world where Murphy's law controls my life, it fits in perfectly well that 4 instead of 1 printer would fail me.

Anonymous said...

what happened to the text book?

TrihornWhoLeigh

MLC said...

Hawkeye, i like the way you handle things. idhey vera yaarukaavadhu nadandhaa, i guess they'll give up in life and become sore losers. but neenga, indha maadhiri nadandhundey irrukkey nu depressed aagaama, the fact that u continue to accept whatever happens, and post a blog (w/ a sense of humour) about it ... i think that's what makes u click!
yenna kaetaa, i think u're better off than so many ppl out there who don't face anything like what u do but keep feeling depressed and crib about life in general! luv yr attitude! keep it going!

Anush said...

why am I so confident that I am the one who fully understands this blog (1000% understanding) ;) you got a very big competitor in this field - me - not to be ignored! the discounts I've got in my life are matched to the pennies by the immediate losses that occur, to the extent that I'm able to predict things very easily these days.

Nilu said...

who is the anupadmaja? solli vei...

the Monk said...

Join the club, ol' man, join the club.

S m i t h a said...

oh my god... so im not alone :) and i completely understand the statement abt ppl with bad luck being great optimists. we need to start a club to get our species together...

Hawkeye said...

anu,

i could reverse trick the ghost by going back to the same old broken printer and get it to work or if there is no ghost then ill go back to the broken printer and complain the same thing about my life.

Hawkeye said...

trihorn,

not got it yet. i think i can do the course without it.

Hawkeye said...

mlc,

thanks for understanding. seriously i mean it. i so frustrated i really needed a pat on the back and lots of sympathy.

Hawkeye said...

anush,

its even steven. but in my case i get all the losses and some alter ego somewhere is reaping money, chics and material for no fault of his.

Hawkeye said...

nilu,

she is your biggest fan :-)

Hawkeye said...

the monk,

as i said - "a little respect coz I am george costanza..."

Hawkeye said...

smitha,

it would inherently mean we would be stopped in our attempts to start a club, there would be problems and weirdness etc...the system is built to keep all of us apart.

Me said...

...baguth luck...;)

Anupadmaja said...

Nilu, the bait did catch the fish :)

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

That was hilarious (yeah I am the sadistic kind who laughs at others' miseries): but come on, even by your definition, the worst is yet to come ;)

logic said...

Have backed up your blog? One day it might jus disappear :O

Hawkeye said...

logic,

im seriously concerned about it.