Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Movie Review: TaraRumPum : Vomit

Santham's balcony seating arrangments have no respect for two people who don't intend to make out during the movie. It is a series of two seat couches. I did not know this. That wasn't the only surprise of the day. TaraRumPum, which if I am not mistaken is a Bollywood style remake of a really bad movie called Taladega Nights and the Ballad of Ricky bobby, is a movie that actually does not have Amitabh Bachan. Not even in a cameo role. Its like seeing an advertisement without Sachin or Sharukh in it. It was incredible. What is even more unbelievable is that this movie, evidently a masala movie by Yash Chopra, had just 1 hero and 1 heroine. It did not have 2 couples dancing side-by-side in a hotel room dance floor. I was actually heartened, happy in the expectation that this movie might actually turn out to be good. When I started to get optimistic about the health of Bollywood, they quickly showed an upcoming trailer of another Yash Chopra movie starring Abhishek & girl + Bobby Deol & girl. Tada! Amitabh has a cameo there and the 4 couples dance side-by-side in a hotel room dance floor. Quick to make amends this Yash Chopra fellow. But I was talking about the unnecessarily cozy seats.
If TaraRumPum wasn't the worst movie I'd seen in a long long time, I would have been bothered by the seats. True to the "Iru Kodugal" philosophy, I was literally looking at time every 10 minutes waiting for the movie to end. If you take 5 rotten eggs, stuff it into a sox that has been worn by a sewage cleaner, who hadn't washed it for 2 years, bury it into the ground, where insects and vermins would stick to those eggs, dig up those eggs after 10 years and feed it to Ajit Agarkar, he will vomit those eggs after 5 hours. That vomit would be less disgusting than this movie. After what seemed like an eternity and well after I had ended the mental debate on whether this movie had an interval, the movie had an interval. I stood their open mouth, thinking what else did they have to say in this movie. TaraRumPum is a text book example of bad acting, bad script, bad direction, bad sets, bad technicians, bad songs, bad picturization. You name the field, it was bad. On top of it it had a child artist as a narrator. I have already expressed my desire to see the death of all child artists in Mega Serials (including that little bitch who appears in 7:00 serial Anandam) and movies. If ever a child artist needs to be eliminated in the interest of national security, it is this girl who appears in Tararumpum. If only child artists were 10% as good as this guy, this world would be much better.

The two kids are named 'Princess' and 'Champ'. I am not kidding. Those are their names and they aren't called anything else. This girl, whose voice was extremely irritating, goes on to describe her mom and dad as world's best everything. Best singer, best racer, best bathroom cleaner etc. Saif Ali Khan returns to his bad acting hey days of early 90s, where he was a long haired (un) "cool" guy trying to ape Michael J. Fox. Hindi movies usually have really hot chics with minimal dress. That is their biggest USP. I was thinking at least that would keep me going for the length of the movie. But as luck would have it this one had Rani Mukherjee, who apart from being the protagonist of 'The ugly duckling' also has a horrible voice. So she falls in love with Saif for no good reason and then this movie goes on an unbelievable trip.
Read the next few sentences carefully, that's actually the story of the movie. Saif, a desi, a bum, living in new york, drives Javed Jaffrey's taxi for a few minutes, violating many traffic rules along the way. Javed, a clark-kent-taxi-driver by day and superman-car-race-manager by night, offers him a job as a race car person. Saif of course then goes on to win everything, until he gets knocked by a Prem Chopra'ish white guy. He then is afflicted with 'confidence' problems and can't have his 3rd kid or worse drive a race car. Then after some poverty, standard issue bollywood sentiments, and ridiculous dialogs, he races to save his kid's life, wins the race and all is well.
To be fair to this movie, Taladega Nights was even more ridiculous. But it was really a spoof with the Borat guy playing villain race car driver. This movie irritated me on several counts. They had done a pretty good job of creating the race car set-up, which should have been really expensive. They must have got in some expert who probably knows something about car racing and did some part of creating the racing environment correctly. It gets nauseating when they show the audience segment, which has Rani Mukherejee and those kids cheering ( for most part, the rest of the crowd is silent and they are the only monkeys cheering). Some one should have paid more attention to that. And maybe the director had gone off to take a piss in the first 1 hour of the movie but what bad acting man? The whole flirting aspect of Saif & Rani turned out to be a competition for horrible-acting-awards. I have never seen worser acting ever before.
Bollywood, in an attempt to milk the NRI audience, has for long, tried to feign a picture that NRI Indians who live in Amrikkan big cities have integrated with their culture and become as big an ethnic group as African Americans or Latinos. This of course is completely untrue. But it serves Bollywood some purpose. It appeases the NRI audience, makes them think high of themselves and deludes the Indian audience for the same reason. To this movie's credit, it does not have some arbit stupid hero talking patriotism shit to a confused white guy. I recently saw a clip from an akshay kumar/preity Zinda movie, where akshay kumar, who according to this movie is in London and cant speak any English, was vomiting patriotism in Hindi (some 2 std English composition crap about India is my country, it has 25 languages etc) and some body would translate this nonsense to a stunned white audience. Somehow Bollywood is ultra-focused on telling the white man how good India is and telling Indians how Indians are living-it-up and spreading their culture in Amrikka. Nobody gives a rat's crap.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hawkeye

mdeii - is the blog of the actor in may madham????

vatsan said...

couple seat is for those who want to make out, mathaval ku there is the normal seat. u buy couple ticket n say insensitive to those not making out, enna gnayamam?

srinivas said...

why did u watch a dumb indhi film in the first place?

Rastafari said...

Reading roast reviews of a crap film is sometimes better than watching a good film :))

Yash Chopra films - kashakkum, komattum

Anonymous said...

couples seatla okkaandhukavaa pondaattiya cut pannitu ponel - nannaa venum.
-Vee

I said...

u are meendum meendum doing thamizh dhrogam by wathcing indhi movies. Now kalaignar has to turn off the water to ur home

Anonymous said...

Why would you go to Chennai and watch a hindi movie, in a love seat of all things (hope u at least sat there with your wife !), that too a movie named "tara rum pum". The name itself should have set off warning bells for you. Or did you just go to get material for a scathing review ? Luckily the hindi audiences are getting smarter , since this movie flopped in india at least . There was one movie where SRK and Kajol's kid in UK makes his entire school band sing the national anthem of india !

Hawkeye said...

anon1,

anjali, penn TV serial, MM - yes he is the palakattu machaan.

vatsan,

i didn't know. naan ticket'e vaangaliye. in my eye shot (my seat was H1), every seat looked like sofa.

srinivas,

plisss to read prev blog post.

rastafari,

that is true :-)

vee,

couples seat'la ukkarnthukka pogalai. padam ponen. appu adichutta.

I,

kalagnar turned off electricity. water veriyaaa.


anon2,

/*There was one movie where SRK and Kajol's kid in UK makes his entire school band sing the national anthem of india ! */

i heard and shuddered. kandraavi. please read prev post regarding the 'why' questions.

Prachi said...

hahaha.. you obviously don't enjoy bolly movies.. why watch them then? I personally enjoyed Tararumpum b/c it was a fun movie to watch while I didnt go in with totally "unbaised" opinions of Rani being the ugly duckling and bad voice..man, be realistic! She's an actress, not a beauty queen. I'm sure if all actresses were Aishwarya Rais or Angelina Jolies, you'd complain bollywood is unrealistic, YET AGAIN! I agree that many aspects of the movie aren't practical, but hey, it's entertainment, and much more practical than many other movies of its kind. QUITE enjoyable..entertaining...and optimistic. Most bolly movies are meant to be an escape from real world...TRRP has done a pretty good job of blending reality with hopeful rosy outcome.

Anonymous said...

Beauty is in eye of beholder.
I thought this movie was great.
I watched it with my kids (all
teenagers) and all of them liked it
even though they were initially skeptical.

Vanessa said...

excuse me.. this movie didnot suck ths much, definitely deserves better review, and i dont understand why u describe with highest degree kindly think befre u ink..

Vanishree