Tuesday, June 24, 2008

1

Sometimes people have to make tough decisions. Generals make tough calls while entrenched in the heat of warfare. CEOs make decisions that impact billions and billions of dollars. Politicians make decisions that can change the course of a civilization. There are decisions and then there are decisions. The greater ones reside in another stratosphere altogether. These decisions are so tough that even good Generals, CEOs and Presidents struggle with it on a daily basis. As one sleeps soundly after a hard day's work, one becomes involved in deep-slumber dreams. These aren't dreams where you are busy turning up to school naked. The one where everybody else is in uniform but you realize you are naked and you seem to wanna do something about it, but do nothing about it. You aren't in dreams where you have to rewrite university exams, 12th standard exams over and over again in arbitrary locations. You aren't chased by snakes, cars and more snakes. You are in a pleasant dream that you certainly will not remember the next morning. You are happy and there are a lot of people around you. Everybody is happy. When all this is happening you hear a faint murmur. It is as if some people in your dream are whispering to themselves in hushed tones. Whispering about you. The murmur then slowly becomes audible and then suddenly it turns into an instinct. The body suddenly feels cold and then it hits you.

You gotta go.

Well, if you gotta go you gotta go - yes? No. Its not as easy as it sounds. You are not fully out of your dream yet. At this moment, if you want you can pick back those multiple threads in your dream and slumber on. Getting up and going is probably the toughest tasks in the history of mankind. Its tougher than refusing a Masala Dosai on-the-house in Saravana Bhavan (well not really that tough - but you get the point). Sleep. Ah! the amnesia of the common man. Takes us away from the worries and boredom of our world. The happy place that we all can go to for a quarter of our living day. Sleeping and dreaming is the ultimate male dream. Its the only time when society demands that you do nothing but sleep. Which mad man would get up and go? It is cruel. But then this call is unlike no other call. Among the few things that can conquer sleep, the call of 1'kku is the most potent. That is why at 2 AM in the morning you have to make the toughest decision you will ever make during that day. The decision on whether -

to go or not to go

The first time you can ignore it and go back to La La land. The first time is easy. You can easily return to that fantastic dream thread that you momentarily suspended to process an interrupt. But the joy is short lived. The fantasy world that you waft into slowly gets cold and freezes. Now you don't hear a murmur. Its almost as if someone is upset that their parcel order for Barota in Saravana Bhavan came with Sambhar instead of Kurma. They come back home pour the contents of the small plastic bag on the Barota and find to their horror that it was sambhar. Suddenly you have disgruntled customers in your dream. You hear voices in your sleep shouting at you in an irritated tone. You cannot ignore it anymore. The inner 'temper' rises and you dream of water hitting the walls of a dam with furious rage wanting to be let out. You dream of an inverted Saravana Water Can from which water is flowing down into the base container. It is almost as if there is a separate life inside you that is screaming to be let go. You dream that you are Sigourney Weaver in that Aliens movie where that Alien tears her stomach and escapes outside. Now you have no choice. You gotta go. Sleep has been conquered.

Walking towards the bathroom in the dark is a challenge in itself. Everything is dark and it seems that the entire house has gone to sleep. Have you wondered how different your house looks at 2 AM? The exaggerated silence makes your house look like somebody else's house. A fairytale house where strange creatures live in silence. Once you sense that you are nearing the bathroom door you stop and wave your hand forward to feel the door. There is no door. You are just waving your hand and hitting the wall, instead. In the days when one was newly married, the wife would hear the noise get up and ask "are you all right?". Now of course when one makes such noise the wife turns, buries herself under the comforter and says something that you hope you misheard as "quiet" or "shut up". Well, one is never sure so one walks forward. You know you hit the bathroom when your head bumps on the door. Meanwhile, in downtown the alien inside you is screaming in high pitch.

Switching on the bathroom light is a trick in itself. You try and do some guess work on the location of the switch and sort of make a motion of pushing up the switch. Only to realize that you just scratched the wall. You have switched it on so many times during the day and it looks ridiculous that the switch wouldn't be where you think it should be. If someone was filming all this, it would be a hilarious video of a blind man standing in a room and scratching the wall. Although the thought of you looking like a fool crosses your mind, you still stand there feeling up the wall and moving the hands up. Because you can't afford to go in the dark. Although the bowl is a bigger target than a switch, aiming should never be taken for granted. Even an amateur shooter would tell you that aiming with a .42 Thomson pistol is easy but the larger the gun, the harder it is to aim. Mr. Johnson is kinda queer at 2AM, you know. Undependable. He rises before the sun. You don't want to be aiming at the bowl and hear the sound of liquid falling on a plastic bag. A few more desperate scratches on the wall and your elbow hits the switch, your instincts hang to that spot for dear life and you finally find the switch. Suddenly the room lights up. After the tank is empty and you come back into the comforter, you try and remember the point in your dream where you left off. Arrogantly assuming that the dream is like a parked Lambretta scooter that one can simply pick up and continue driving. One can never remember. Its amazing how all that dream information is shift-deleted. Its common man's amnesia for a good reason. You not only forget stuff you knew before you went into amnesia but also stuff that happened during it.

9 comments:

Jet said...

hilarious..... and i thought only i get such dreams in such pressure ;)

Babu said...

"larger the gun, the harder it is to aim"

he he he.....LOL
that's when u wonder how good it wud be to sit down n pee like our women folks....
here is suggestion sit reverse (facing the flush) n pee this way u don't have to worry about switching on the lights or cleaning the floor when u miss the target....
Ah make sure u open the basin tap for a while pretending washing ur hands, mind takes care of the rest....

Babu said...

well the above suggestion assumes u r in ur boxers every night ;-)

hari said...

That is why Indian kakkoos is the best. No worries about missing the target and all. Just wash the floor with water after you're done.

Zeppelin said...

are you by any chance referring to the lambretta?

Hawkeye said...

zepplin,

thanks. changed it. somehow this spelling stayed with me

maxdavinci said...

gettin up to pee at 2AM, and you make a post outta it? wow!

sometimes the perfect parabolic trajectory gets disturbed resulting in spatter. Often happens while half asleep...

jingili said...

U must c this muv.."look whoz talkin too"
In the muv ,the protagonist is some kid,nama blog la oru 30yr old balding guy....

Sriram said...

The onnukku that comes early in the morning, half-hour to one hour before the alarm is supposed to go is the most cruel one. Forget dreams, you pick up sleep where you left it after some difficulty and the alarm goes.

Anyway, heard of swollen prostate?