Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Baap Ka Beta: Ek gaun mein Ek Kisaan...

My Grandmother thinks I am the best thing that happened since the Indian Independence, electric grinder and 'Maavu' Machine. When I was sent to study in Madras, I lived with my grandparents. She thought I was Sri Ramachandra Moorthy and Gokula Kannan all rolled into one. She wouldn't even give me 'kalakki vitta' rasam (the daal, corriander, tomato parts of the rasam which reside at the bottom of the rasam as settled debris). She would pour clean clear 'thelivaana' rasam every morning and evening. Since my health was a matter of national security, the food was never too spicy and a slight headache meant I could bunk school. Thats why Grandmas are so loved. They are strong willed, fight for their Grandson's rights and will never give up. They are so awesome that God gave every boy at least two grandmas.

After being kicked around like a dog in Palayamkottai, this was an upgrade for my economy class life to First Class luxury suite comforts. I took advantage of the situation like it was nobody's business. Two years later my mom (and a decade later my wife) discovered to their respective horrors that I was permenantly rendered incapable of doing any useful chore around the house. My grandmother was very quick to explain to her daughter that it was 'their' duty to take care of me. The situation was fantastic. I thanked my forefathers up until Manu for thinking so far ahead and making life comfortable for men like me. Nowadays, of course its never "their" duty. So It is not uncommon to find garden variety men do household chores. It has been so long since I enjoyed that kind of pampering that I forgot how it felt like.

Enter Grandma

My grandma is here for a while. That means I have gulped down kesaris, rava laddus , thattais and thengozhals in sizeable proportions. My previous post on Adhirsam has sent down the right signals. My amnesia is getting cured. My grandma has clear principles, is very succinct and simple. If she decides to say something, she says it economically, quickly and clearly. She is obviously shocked that I do work (well I do some). And she completely disapproves of it. At regular intervals, she sends out pithy 2-liners to my mom and wife on the "Dharmic Shastras" surrounding 'who works the dishwasher'. A stand tall and deliver routine that no one has done since Krishna delivered the Geethai to Arjuna. She is what I call, the pronoun watcher. When my wife uses pronouns like avan, ivan, nee, and non-pronouns like vaa, poo, kadaa, looseu, beaku - my grandma waits patiently and asks my wife as to which person the pronoun indirection is pointing to. The consequent awkward silence is golden. Often there are discussions on roles and responsibilities around the house and my grandma sits as the chairman of the board of R & R assignment. She assigns me nothing. I am thrilled at the new found, albeit temporary, relief from work. As hilarious as it is, I continue to take advantage of the situation.

America is a boring place. There is no intrusion from neighbors and no gossip from the relatives circle. Days are long and time stands still. Sometimes on Saturday afternoons there is a lull around the house and conversation ceases to exist. We all sit sleepily in the couches. Bored. I try and enliven the situation by asking an innocent question. The questions is richly loaded with MCP content. All in jest of course. But one needs talent to say MCP stuff with surgical precision. If you trip a word here and mess up a phrase there the whole moment is lost. A question like "should women play tennis when they should be cooking?" means that ensuing discussion will be very interesting. My entertainment is done. After my wife's valiant feminist attempt at educating my grandma on the great empowerment of women has met with complete disaster, I nod off to sleep. Feminism withers in the face of powerful grandma proverbs that have been perfected for several centuries. All this reminded me of something. That the equation between my grandma and I is not much different from what is depicted here in the video below. This is one of the most classical comedy scenes of Thamizh cinema. A piece will probably have a permanent place in the Thamizh Movie Hall Of Fame. I won't mention the equivalent of the Hindi Vaadhiyar, though...




On a separate Note: RIP John Amrithraj - the Indhi Pundit

27 comments:

Lekhni said...

Your wife is positively respectful in addressing you - I notice the singular absence of "da" - as in poda, vaada ;)

Thanks for the raghu thatha clip :)

anantha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
anantha said...

Thalaivaaaa! Engayo poitta.

I won't mention the equivalent of the Hindi Vaadhiyar, though..

Intelligent people will arrive at the right conclusion by themselves ;)

On a related note, I have the movie on my HD. It is loaded with classic scenes and lines and that immortal song - En Madhanamoga rooba sundari :D

Jessie said...

A friend of mine recently referred me to your blogs and quite honestly I got hooked to those right away. You have a good writing style and flow and I have finished reading almost all of your blogs. I do have issues with your ideas though on how the women in our society are treated or should be treated. I feel like even though you try to advocate that women should be treated equally, with respect and yada yada yada..., you are no different from those Indian men who find it so easy sympathize with other person's wife, but when it comes to their own wife or mother they are no different from the man who they go all out to criticize. Deep down you take pride in the fact that you do not consider it manly enough to help out your own mother or wife. I find your comments like ' I won't move a spoon an inch in my home' and likes a proof of that.
I just wonder if you ever do your own soul searching before preaching everyone else on issues like these. If not please restrain from writing stuff that you ‘think’ is going to change male opinion and attitude and help emancipate women. It makes a woman like me sick in the stomach with rage.

Mahesh said...

LOL @ Jessie

Even I burn with rage when people like Jessie sterotype unknown people. Yendi ma, unnoda purushan paavam dhaane.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely hilarious!!!

Anonymous said...

Fantastic post! It made me laugh so much. I can't believe someone can be so unsporting like Jessie. If we take offense at everything then whats the fun in life.

I am a woman and I don't find this offensive at all.

- Renuka

Sowmya said...

I am waiting for the post that will pop up after paati leaves and wife takes over. One finds the need to remind you of "Kanni Raasi"

Deepa said...

I was promptly told by my GM-in-law to use avar, ivar in front of them (she and her avar). Its good to know that she knows exactly how I refer to "him" in her absence.
well, what can I say, every dog has its day.:-)

Sriram said...

Sheesh, you are more an exception than the norm. Or rather we are not descendants of Manu. If I were to describe my grandmother, I would ask you to watch this video. Only the part involving summer vacation and burlap bags and ctrl + h father with grandmother.

Sriram said...

The last one was rather harsh on my grandmother. Our (an array of 10+ cousins) summer vacation would involve waking up early in the morning, filling water from thanni lorry, pluck flowers from arali and nandhiyavattai plants and then go to the pond for a bath. That would be followed by a breakfast of one idli and a bowl of ice biriyani also called pazhaya saadham with maavadu. Then if you arent tired enough and not called upon to buy pugaiyilai or seeval you are free to romance your maama ponnu. The evening would be worth all the day time work as you get to go to a movie. That is an ordeal in itself.. replete with roll call of all the cousins in the interval.

My wife dare not talk in front of my grandmother.. Even if she is being burnt alive and has to yell help.

Your position is enviable. What say murungakka?

Sriram said...

video link again.

I said...

Women certainly should not play tennis.

One plans to take advantage of the "vanga, ponga" arrangement in front of elders, when one can slip in as much 'di's as legally possible but she can't retaliate in kind.

Sowmya Srikrishnan said...

Hello!

Looks like you are also made up of the same 'matter' as I - "adupoodhum pengalukku padippedarku"...

Your post is hilarious. When my parents tried to cultivate this "vaango, pongo" thing in me, my in-laws insisted that I call my hubby "vaa-po" cos the former ones sounded so artificial in this age!

Appada, naan kuduthu vechirukken :)

Btw, nice blog you have here.

WA said...

lol Great post

Vee Cee said...

I won't mention the equivalent of the Hindi Vaadhiyar, though..

is there some inside story here, which points to someone other than the obvious?

All in jest of course.

yeah. sure. ;-)

Anonymous said...

check this out:
http://www.kamat.com/kalranga/bangalore/5827.htm

Sriram said...

Did you guys also go to schools where it was okay for girls to use "da" and "di" was a taboo word?

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Hahhahaha!!

Linked to this from Blogbharti.

Amrutha said...

lol...this is hilarious... @jessie: relax...take a deep breath, and repeat three times: this is a joke...

@hawkeye: good job! keep writing. I agree with Sowmya though. Waiting for post-grandma departure post...

indicaspecies said...

I reached here from Blogbharti and guess, it's my first time.

Went through a few posts in addition to this and thoroughly enjoyed the grandiose musings of an egocentrist..hahaha!

Naren's said...

geeks....hilarious!!!!!...this post?...innaba ellarukum sense eof kaamedy mazhungi mannaa poyidcha....

Anonymous said...

reminds me of the time when my paati used to serve me a full cup of thick curd for dinner while others had to make do with watery buttermilk. heehee.. that was pretty wicked now that i think about it.

-d

Vijay Kumar said...

I thought that the Ek gaon mein paatti was an urban legend... it is all coming back to me now
Good one boss

feddy said...

Does your wife read your blog? [:p]

Anonymous said...

I was imagining the same scene you posted at the end while I was reading. I was so happy to find that you posted the exact clip that I was visualizing.

good Post. Gosh!!! I wish to be pampered like this :)

sexy said...

情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣,情趣,A片,A片,A片,A片,A片,A片,情趣用品,A片,情趣用品,A片,情趣用品,a片,情趣用品

A片,A片,AV女優,色情,成人,做愛,情色,AIO,視訊聊天室,SEX,聊天室,自拍,AV,情色,成人,情色,aio,sex,成人,情色

免費A片,美女視訊,情色交友,免費AV,色情網站,辣妹視訊,美女交友,色情影片,成人影片,成人網站,H漫,18成人,成人圖片,成人漫畫,情色網,日本A片,免費A片下載,性愛

色情A片,A片下載,色情遊戲,色情影片,色情聊天室,情色電影,免費視訊,免費視訊聊天,免費視訊聊天室,一葉情貼圖片區,情色視訊,免費成人影片,視訊交友,視訊聊天,言情小說,愛情小說,AV片,A漫,avdvd,情色論壇,視訊美女,AV成人網,情色文學,成人交友,成人電影,成人貼圖,成人小說,成人文章,成人圖片區,成人遊戲,愛情公寓,情色貼圖,成人論壇

美女視訊,辣妹視訊,視訊交友網,免費視訊聊天,視訊,免費視訊,美女交友,成人交友,聊天室交友,微風論壇,微風成人,情色貼圖,色情,微風,聊天室尋夢園,交友,視訊交友,視訊聊天,視訊辣妹,一夜情

視訊聊天室,聊天室,視訊,,情色視訊,視訊交友,視訊交友90739,免費視訊,免費視訊聊天,視訊聊天,UT聊天室,聊天室,美女視訊,視訊交友網,豆豆聊天室,A片,尋夢園聊天室,色情聊天室,聊天室尋夢園,成人聊天室,中部人聊天室,一夜情聊天室,情色聊天室,080中部人聊天室,080聊天室,美女交友,辣妹視訊