Friday, October 24, 2008

Kabali Times: Pakistan Sack Their Next Coach too!

We reveal a series of stunning operations launched by PCB management to streamline their operations and make PCB a slim mean efficient cricket machine. Kabali Times has reliably learned from inside sources of PCB that the search for Pakistan's next cricket coach has begun and it is unclear as to who the coach would be. However, what is certain, according to PCB sources, is that the newly appointed coach will be given a 3-year contract and will be sacked a year from now. On condition of anonymity Mr. Butt said that "We have made a decision to sack the to-be-appointed-new coach on account of differences between the team and the coach. We also feel his style of work does not suit our culture (or) that he is too Pakistani and tends to favor certain players over others - depending on what the case may be."
Mr. Butt also revealed that they had set up hearing panels to arbitrate all the next captain-coach conflicts arising in the next 1-year. Butt cheerily concluded that decisions of those hearing panels have already been made. This is an outstanding effort initiated by Butt in an effort to reduce legal costs and prevent PCB from being bought over by Lalit Modi. In the event of Pakistan Cricket team being bought over by Modi, Butt has made arrangements for Management-captain conflict legal hearing sessions by independent Judges.
PCB's new health insurance plan will also cover injuries sustained by players when they get beaten up by Shoaib Akhtar. PCB has pre-paid the insurance company for the 4 players who will get beaten up by Shoaib in the next one year. Shoaib has already been suspended for this impending activity. Shoaib's appeal against this decision has already been assigned to Judge Habeeb Hamim, who will clear Shoaib of all charges 10 years from now. Shoaib has already announced that he has been "vindicated". The four players who will get beaten up by Shoaib have not started playing cricket yet, and in some cases have not been born yet. However, fake birth certificates for those players have been submitted to PCB. They have all been named "Mohammed" for convenient paper work processing.
As Mr. Butt concluded his secret hush-hush whispering, he also mentioned that they have already started searching for a coach who will replace the new coach that PCB will appoint in a few days. Butt cheeks became red in excitement as he said this.

17 comments:

Alan Smithee said...

We must allow that team of chuckers and substance abusers die a natural death. But the woolly headed morons at BCCI will schedule a test series and pump money into PCB. And then some assface NDTV reporter will venture into Rawalpindi streets and tell us how the goat biriyani tastes like heaven and how those people share the same culture as us. Sheesh...

Sarang said...

"Butt cheeks became red in excitement as he said this"

so.. Butt cheeks is it??? :) That's some careful observation by Kabali times....

Hawkeye said...

sarang,

yes :-). a very important carefully inserted sentence.

Hawkeye said...

alan,

:-). BCCI needs to be government owned. Its like killing 2 birds with 1 stone.

Sarang said...

And I must say well worth the read...

Karthik B.S. said...

coach-sacking, fake-age, akthar-the-psycho, insult count unlimited. :)

Alan Smithee said...

the butt cheeks reference was so bleeding obvious that it does not even count as pun. Get over it already :)

sundar said...

one of the most hilarious!.. ridicule is all around for kabali times to pounce on..

Anonymous said...

bosey.co.in - someone wrote a mucb better post with the same concept. But then comparing you with Anand Ramachandran is not fair on you so good effort there. The idea is good - execution much like Dasavatharam. Crappy. Keep trying though.

Mannaru said...

alan smithee,

about ndtv reporters i cant agree more...u have to see hindi channels for this ind-pak bhai bhai..utter crap....man i cant stand bollywood nationalism

Sri

maxdavinci said...

kabali, full salt on injury!

LOL@ shoaib....

The Talkative Man said...

Pak needs to move this Butt out of the way before they can challenge Oz like we do.

Karthik Narayanan said...

Good one... Man... I am getting to be a big Fan of yours....

Pakistan cricket administrators have as much brain as the one the poor goat had... no insult to the goat intended....

Not that our guys do much better...We are better off because slight lapses in insanity by the dickheads called BCCI which results in occassional good decisions..

But BCCI in govt hands? K.P.S Gill anyone?

giglican said...

just accidently tripped on this blog ...kewl/cool...whatever --it rocks..
the ones abt sleep varities, YG mahendiran bashing and the nighty mightmares are right down my alley ...
my regards to kabali times reporters ...amazing work.

Hawkeye said...

sarang, Karthik, sundar, max;

danks.

alan smithee,

commentators and media men have shown remarkable restraint on "butt".

anon,

adhu seri. this "unfair" type back-handed compliment style is also not original.

ttm,

pak cannot have a sensible cricket administrator. it needs to be invaded by british again for that to happen.

karthik narayanan,

2 birds in one stone with BCCI in govt hands.

giglican,

thanks.

Anonymous said...

Dei, naan enna naan original budukkku-na sonnaen?

Hawkeye said...

anon,

Thanks for your nice reply. That was the reply I wanted to give for your initial comment but then I thought it should be easier to make you say it.