Friday, October 24, 2008
Kabali Times: Pakistan Sack Their Next Coach too!
We reveal a series of stunning operations launched by PCB management to streamline their operations and make PCB a slim mean efficient cricket machine. Kabali Times has reliably learned from inside sources of PCB that the search for Pakistan's next cricket coach has begun and it is unclear as to who the coach would be. However, what is certain, according to PCB sources, is that the newly appointed coach will be given a 3-year contract and will be sacked a year from now. On condition of anonymity Mr. Butt said that "We have made a decision to sack the to-be-appointed-new coach on account of differences between the team and the coach. We also feel his style of work does not suit our culture (or) that he is too Pakistani and tends to favor certain players over others - depending on what the case may be."
Mr. Butt also revealed that they had set up hearing panels to arbitrate all the next captain-coach conflicts arising in the next 1-year. Butt cheerily concluded that decisions of those hearing panels have already been made. This is an outstanding effort initiated by Butt in an effort to reduce legal costs and prevent PCB from being bought over by Lalit Modi. In the event of Pakistan Cricket team being bought over by Modi, Butt has made arrangements for Management-captain conflict legal hearing sessions by independent Judges.
PCB's new health insurance plan will also cover injuries sustained by players when they get beaten up by Shoaib Akhtar. PCB has pre-paid the insurance company for the 4 players who will get beaten up by Shoaib in the next one year. Shoaib has already been suspended for this impending activity. Shoaib's appeal against this decision has already been assigned to Judge Habeeb Hamim, who will clear Shoaib of all charges 10 years from now. Shoaib has already announced that he has been "vindicated". The four players who will get beaten up by Shoaib have not started playing cricket yet, and in some cases have not been born yet. However, fake birth certificates for those players have been submitted to PCB. They have all been named "Mohammed" for convenient paper work processing.
As Mr. Butt concluded his secret hush-hush whispering, he also mentioned that they have already started searching for a coach who will replace the new coach that PCB will appoint in a few days. Butt cheeks became red in excitement as he said this.