So one afternoon I had a conversation with a colleague that resembled something like this.
A conversation I'd have several times with several different people. I was especially pissed off about the cruelty of the 400 word limit on Harvard essays. I was so freaking bummed with the conciseness requirement of all the b-school essays that my night's sleep was consumed by an infinite loop of dreams where I was optimizing sentences in a 'olai chuvadi'. So the conversation then led to several other opinions about my dissatisfaction with life in general and the disagreements that I had with people who inhabited it. We talked about the general distrust over people who claimed to be "experts" and kept ridiculing one particular guy who smugly kept predicting the future (of the project). "Start a blog. You are PGW fan. Cut and paste shit from his novels" said this colleague. I knew what a blog was and followed some blogs. But I left saying "no dude". My virtual world interaction ended with 'carnatic raagas in film music' or the 'ARR Vs IR' section of tfm forums.
So later that evening I thought about it and in peak 'raahugalam' started this blog. I was tired of 400 word limits, experts, and 'i will tell you how to $1Million in stocks' guides. I wanted a place where I could just run amok. Some people drank alcohol, some smoked cigarettes, some chewed bubble gums and I wrote a blog. It wasn't something I leaned on but it was an excellent distraction from the ridiculousness I had to encounter everyday. So for the first few years the blog was a hiding place where I could write about stuff that had nothing to do with the main thing going on in my life at that time. Later it became a test-bed to try out new pet opinions and theories. Sometimes it served to ventilate. But it wasn't hard to write these posts. I finished most posts in about 20 minutes. Didn't think much about it later. I guess you don't need a lot of time to state the obvious.
5 years have gone by and I still wonder about the title I chose that Friday evening. In case you forgot, I am still thinking about this (many many years before this movie got released mind you). Like when I was all set to submit my Harvard application a few hours before deadline and the internet stopped working once I hit submit - forever. Or like last week where almost a year after the previous attempt, I tried to print out some page recently. It was just two pages, I didn't need them in a hurry and they were unimportant - so I thought the gods would not strike me down for this. 2 hours later it became an ego contest and I had clicked the print out dialog box for the 1000th time. Everybody around me came to the printer, collected their papers and left. It was just disgusting.
How does an odd person communicate an oddity to the outside world - especially if it is to do with little insignificant things? The first time I mentioned all my little idiosyncrasies, fears and doubts to my roommates in TOSU (if Major Major Mohandass was still lurking around he would not find the "what if the plane fell into the ocean but you find yourself alive and unable to swim" or "who will pay for the student loan then" question funny now) they thought I should be put under observation. Maybe they are right. Maybe not. I can tell you the exact day I first began to realized this power of randomness over me. Things that I don't have control over scare me slightly but what scares me the most are (a) things that I think I control but I really don't (never did) (b) Things that are important to my life but I am not even aware it is important (I don't know what I don't know) (c) Things I should be controlling (which every body else can control easily) but I cannot. I continue to live under the fear that something completely random or unexpected would happen and screw me out of happiness.
And I tell you every time something has gone wrong it has gone wrong because of "safe bets". From job interviews, stock quotes, exams, applications, and networking events things that people (the idiots) have advised me as "good options" "high percentage play" or "safe option" have all gone wrong. I have lost trust in anybody who claims to know stuff. Any stuff. I really have lost that trust. Probably that is why I look at these Obama (or any political person) worshipping bloggers with cynicism. Because people really don't know what he (or anybody else) is even planning to do or capable of doing.
Forget bloggers - they are silly people. Take any person expressing an opinion with conviction. The conviction of his opinion is inversely proportional to the number of questions you ask that drill down to the details of that opinion. Every time someone says things like "I am real estate agent so I know current prices will increase in the future" - "I am an ICICI bank mutual fund investor I can double your money in 3 years" "i am trader so I can help you with stocks" or "I am an travel agent I can help you book tickets to India" - I think they are criminals looking to cheat me. I have stopped booking tickets to India. I normally am not present in the same room when someone is booking my ticket to India.
They say that lightning never strikes a man twice. Apparently the probability of that happening is very low. They are wrong. Did I ever tell you I get struck by lightning everyday? Which is why I wonder. About randomness and about life. And so view life from a confused perspective of an outsider. And hopefully this confusion has been clearly reflected in this blog.