Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Yet Another Liberal View

Co-Authored/Ubayam Murungakka & Alan Smithee

We are not disposed to identify with liberal causes. The imagined portraits of a liberal society may often inspire sudden bouts of inclusiveness. Mumbai is for all Indians, New Jersey is for all Americans, Madras is for all Amits, the views expressed in this post is for all liberals and Rajan Zed's statements are from all Indians and so on. Delusions of universal citizenship and a "global community" do not start or end here.

Upon this premise of tolerance in all contexts and places rests a presumed neutrality; the urge to place all cultural blemishes on an equal footing. A statement like "A citizen of Riyadh gouged the eyes of a cabbie who dared to look at his fifth wife. This is barbarous" needs to tempered with "just like the villagers in the Chambal forest ostracizing a widow for sleeping with her brother in law." While a logical man may baulk at equating Math errors in Rutherford's atomic model to the'thappu kanakku' put by Mannangatti when he placed his hand on the hips of inspector Sengootuvan's wife - a liberal, who thinks neutrality is everything, such equations are axioms. Such self-assumed global citizens also have the propensity to hunt for causes and third party outrage. Result: A presumably straight man in Bombay gets wet dreams about Chuck and Larry in Dublin.

And there is more.

Consider fictitious liberal - a Mylapore "cross-belt"/desi export to the New World who tend to do the below, while keeping in mind that truth is more annoying than fiction:

This liberal tosses the unfashionable Thiru Mangalyam into a cupboard. Exchanging rings are suddenly a tradition, a must and very cool because the anything from the west is cool (P. Vasu is remaking Chinna Thambi where Prabhu unknowingly slides a ring up Ghusboo's finger). They Insist that golu is too 'desi' or for 'conservatives' and act all environmental about 'Deepavali' (wonder incredulously as to why child laborers aren't forced into spelling bee or "Sun TV dance shows" instead. After all survival is so over-rated.). When they visit the temple, they aresure to apologize for it: "The Food there is good, you know". Whatever they do they will never wish "Happy Pongal' to the Thamizhan in the next cubicle. But they will croak "Happy Holidays" and celebrate "the Christmas spirit." In order to get laid they will make asinine claims such as "honesty is God" (the inevtiable conclusion from that is - Krishna and Christ were moonangilass arai-drowser buddies), and visit the neighborhood church on New Years. The ones featured in Dan Brown's novels are in their "10 places to visit before the visa expires" list and photos of solitary birds on big Churches find their way into Flickr stream). When they do get married to "spiritual but not religious (or) traditional with modern outlook and broad-minded" partner they will buy holiday trees and Santa-gifts for their children while protecting them from a shocking secret about Santa : He is not real. Like it were some Thangamalai ragasiyam. The non cross-belt liberal go a little bit more to ape the west by abandoning "amma/appa" for "mummi thittum" and "enga daddy'kku karuvaadu'na romba ishtam..".
We encourage these specimens to respond to Paul Dinakaran's "karagoshangalai ezhuppungal" call today because their kids and grand kids (if they ever are born, what with abortion on demand and shit) are bound to answer it in any case.

Naturally, an illiberal organization like the Shiv Sena appeals to us. My Name is Khan is funded by Javed Miandad's Sambandhi aathu Manushaal. Bollywood tries hard to convince the uneducated Indian that all Indians and Pakistanis too are bhai-bhai, fractured by the scheming British*. Not to mention that such stunning sophistry is constructed on the similarity in the taste of Biriyani across the border. We may even forgive the Sena for riots against Thamizhs and cheer them on as they burn the effigies of the Khans.

* We think that British saved India from the Mughals and prevented it from being plundered by Aurangazeb but that is for a different post.

31 comments:

Maha said...

*We may even forgive the Sena for riots against Thamizhs*

Ahem! ahem!! if only they had done a better job in 1992!

Anonymous said...

Dude, You are better off not co-authoring... Sadly your touch is missing....

I think you abandon this idea after this post...

-G.

Anonymous said...

may i suggest writing about south africa's thrashing of world no1. india instead?

Anonymous said...

murungakka's stamp all over the post. naech max.

Mambalam Mani said...

'We encourage these specimens to respond to Paul Dinakaran's "karagoshangalai ezhuppungal" call...'

aaha, punchline pramaadham!

Sreekrishnan said...

This almost feels like Saran Directing a Kamal movie. More of Murungakka than hawkeye !

That said, the 2 punch lines that balances 2 perspectives - chance e illa !

"spiritual but not religious (or) traditional with modern outlook and broad-minded" - itha kaetaley patthindu varum !

"enga daddy'kku karuvaadu'na romba ishtam.." - LOL ! Sooper !!

I thought both these groups starts Cheering for Super Bowl and Football/Baseball ... and starts looking at people who do not want to watch it as some thazhthapattu odhukkapattavargal !

Anu said...

Adade. Missed your usual nakkal and nayyandi. This is more of an I payyan post. Avanoda seradhe, sollitten.

Kaushik said...

Bulls' eye with the "spiritual but not religious" types. These liberals also have another name - "contemporary intellectuals" (Somewhat similar post here).

Idling in Top Gear said...

Please stand facing East. I want to recite abhivadaye before prostrating.


PS: "karagoshangalai ezhuppungal" was coined/ popularized by Anbu Nanbar Abdul Hameed in Lalithaaaaa....vin Paatukku Paatu. I don't think I've seen the Dinakaran family use it in their "Aaaseeervadhiyungal Swami" type videos. Regardless, kudos for the imaginative usage. :D

MaySan said...

Many ppl exchange rings, even with Tirumangalyam Dhaaranam, its considered cool even in proper Tamil weddings these days and not to mention cutting a wedding cake too!

What does broad mindedness have to do with being spiritual...spiritual = narrow minded is what ppl conclude :(

Karthick Krishna CS said...

EXCELLENT POST...
:)))

Pradeep Kumar said...

not ur usual stuff buddy.
thx for murungakka blog link tho
On a side note, the japanese comment is pretty dirty spam. do remove it. this is its google translation
http://tinyurl.com/jap-translate

Arun Sundar said...

I, as in 'I' would have written this post much better..

Maddy said...

// enga daddy'kku karuvaadu'na romba ishtam // Hilarious

Manasa said...

Hawkeye,

Do you follow the Carnatic Idol show on Jaya TV?

The Talkative Man said...

What IITG wrote...

'karagosham' is agmark sri lankan tamil usage. It's more typical of I to put matter-without-meter like that :)

KRS said...

maybe it will be a fun excercise for commenting folks to guess which parts were written by who(m)?

A said...

Very good post.. Many ppl think celebrating or following one's own religion or faith properly is considered 'fanatic' ...Bad state I tell you ! Tsk Tsk !

Also wats with the maammyyy daddyy thing I ask.. Ippo ellam ipdi kupdara neraya case a nan pakkaren...Idumadiri kupdartukku modalla oru ban podanum...nejama!!!!

Anonymous said...

In plain english I would say..Soober kalai machi !!

M

Anonymous said...

and i was sitting here thinking i was the only one thinking how no one but me has not caught the farce that "secular india" seems to portray... phew! now i know there are people out there who can think and in no way have harmed a single soul in this world and still never actually been hunky-dory with the other tribes... live and let live.. peace :)

Anonymous said...

badly written , y do all ur posts seem bitter , there is nothing funny too, ..it must be so difficult living as auch a bitter angry person,
so y do i read ur post ,its nice njoying how bitter u are ..

Anonymous said...

badly written , y do all ur posts seem bitter , there is nothing funny too, ..it must be so difficult living as such a bitter angry person,
so y do i read ur post ,its nice njoying how bitter u are ..

Anonymous said...

Generalizations of India.
My thaali is in the cupboard and I don't wear rings too. And I celebrate (read cook for) all traditional festivals with much gusto. Even thiruvadharai.

Nandita said...

to the last anonymous:

yei loosu...that your thaali is in the cupboard itself totally aligns you to the post's stereotype. idhukku mela vera enna venum. If you align more its merely seasoning on top of the entree.

you are worse than 'cross belts' who say they don't have poonal but do sandhi. Or those who say they don't do sandhi but go to temple. main mattere kaanum idhula extra irundha enna pona enna.

very good post! expressed my anger in calm terms.

Anonymous said...

sammandham illama olaradha loosu nandita. nee venaa un thaaliya kazhuthula mattittu thirinjukko. After sex, thalaila thunda mattittu saami kitta oodhupathi yethu. yen kaalaila ezhundhu purushan kaala kooda thottu kumbudu. kudumba ponnu nnu per vangikko. But you are a loser for conforming to the stupidest practice of wearing a thaali.

Anonymous said...

idhaye dhan "Bharathi andre sonnaan":
சாத்திரம் பேசுகிறாய் கண்ணம்மா சாத்திரம் யேதுக்கடி
ஆத்திரம் கொண்டவர்க்கே கண்ணம்மா சாத்திரம் உண்டோடி

unna madhiri ara vekkadukku ellam adhu puriyadhu.

Anonymous said...

edhu main matter edhu side matter nu, group of morons like you decide panna mudiyadhu. appdiye thamizh kalachaaratha thooki niruthara madhiri. pothittu po.

Hawkeye said...

anon-with-thaali,

who does sandhi w/o 'poonool'? indha liberalism kettadhe illaye naan.

thali-less anon,

yammadio! you should hold a Phd in stereotyping (or) must be the president of 'vechai kudumi saracha mottai' club. so if a woman wears thali - she either does all that you listed (or) she does not wear thaali at all! wow!

all that remains is a statement like "thaali is a symbol of women suppression" ad you are complete as a mylai cross-belt who has rad too many books on hinduism by vellaikaaran!

I said...

hawkeye: there are a bunch of neo liberals who after reading Enge Brahmanan, remove their poonals because they can't give it the respect it deserves but go on do to sandhyavandhanam because they are supposed to.

Anonymous said...

I don't read such trashy books. I just make up my own rules. I did the stereotyping thing because I was sterotyped. avalukkum theriyanum la. seasoning adhu idhu nnu olarra.

And thaali is definitely a symbol of woman suppression. One does not need to be a mylai crossbelt to know that.

I Hate Pretentious Gits said...

Why Hawk Why? Why have the stupider version of tweedledee and tweedledumb sully this blog? I guess they are your friends and all, but really, please don't bring them on this blog. They go against the very essence of LSE. Heck, they are the sort of people LSE most makes fun of.

What I like about your writing is the simplicity and clarity. And WYSIWYG-ness. How, even after all these years in the US, you have that honesty and self-awareness so rare for desis here.

These two gits are so fucking pretentious!!! One guy watches every crappy indhi movie that comes out, and then posts one line rants about it, to hide the fact or to rationalize to himself that he isn't really a bollywood lover. I mean seriously, how many people do you know and whose intelligence you respect that have seen both My Name Is Khan AND 3 Idiots? And his pseudo-intellectual babbling about stuff like Joe Stack, just to sound white enough, goes against the grain of this very post. Read a few of his blog posts and he becomes clear for who he is - a 9-to-9 worker bee whose free time is dictated by a tamil-in-name-only bombayaa wife.

And the other idiot Alan Smithee. Even more pathetic, if that were possible. And incapable of coming up with an original thought. Recycling each and every idea mouthed by others before.

Lastly, omyeffinggod, Hawk. Your writing, by that I mean your writing style, has always been so lucid. The best kind of writing is the one where you can hear the speaking voice of the author, like Hemingway or Kundera. These two stuffy arsefaces write with the pretend floweriness last considered cool only in the 1870s. Or among 6th graders. Or among 6th graders in 1870.

Who starts a sentence (forget a post) with, "We are not disposed to"? I am positive these guys write stuff in plain language in word, and then use the thesaurus option to throw in long fancy looking words and phrases, like Joey did in that episode of FRIENDS.

Also, what's with the deluge of irrelevant references and metaphors? Chuck and Larry, Rutherford, Mannangatti....??? And listen, fuckfaces, there is no "Chambal forest". Chambal has a desert. Just because you read the name Chambal whole thumbing through the latest issue of NatGeo while taking a dump does not mean you should use it every which where.

To conclude, Hawk, these two scrotum-pimples manage to annoy your readers enough with their comments on your posts. Don't, for the sake of all that is good and simple, give them more space.