Wednesday, June 05, 2013

House Husband Training

I am eating channa daal (or a mashed up something that contains channa) that my wife made for the kid but kid didnt like it so she threw it in my plate before she left for work. When my hand touches the plate - Kid 1 walks to me and says "appa poopy". This generally means I have a few milli seconds before a horrendous in-underwear detonation. So with a Jack Bauer like alacrity, I carry the plate in one hand and kid 1 in other hand and run to the toilet seat. As I am running kid-2 comes and says "appa poopy diaper". So I keep the plate on top of the commode tank, kid 1 on toilet seat and rush towards  kid 2 before she removes it and starts swinging it around like a whip. As I make Kid 2 lie on the floor and begin removing the diaper, kid 1 walks off toilet seat in middle of potty. In the process she eeshifies poopy on the toilet seat, the wall, carpet and sits on a flight of stairs next to me. There is no purpose as to why she has done this. I think she just felt like talking a walk in the middle of pooping.

So in panic I make an error removing kid2's diaper. I eeshify poopy on her leg and some poop falls on the carpet. I rapidly rush for flushable wipes,  clean kid 2 bum, collect poop with wipes and in process some eeshifies on my hand. I throw wipes into the diaper and diaper into the bin. I then clean up kid 2 bum and turn to focus on kid 1. I use the flushable wipes to clean the wall, the carpet, the seat, and flush toilet. Only to realize that the poop that eeshified my hand is now eeshified on the flush handle. So I clean the flush handle with flushable wipes, clean my hand, flush the toilet and put on a underwear for Kid 1. As I start calming down and start searching for my plate, I realize something horrible might have happened.

I haven't cleaned Kid 1 bum.

In panic I remove kid 1 underwear and find poop eeshified on underwear and now her leg. I remove underwear, use flushable wipes to wipe off poop from her leg, throw her underwear, wipe off her bum and put on a new underwear. After a sigh of relief, I search for my plate for 5 minutes and then realize its on the top of the toilet tank, pick it up and make a move to eat. But as I stare at the channa and the color of the whole thing - I am stopped on my tracks. I know its channa. Its color may resemble something else but its still channa. Nevertheless, I am unable to put it in my mouth. I am psychologically scarred after having seen so much poopy in such a short period of time. I sigh. I hesitate. Then I sigh even more. Then I throw the food into the dustbin and walk away.

Post Script: This post was written by a maanasthan called chandru. He is now no more.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

You didn't wash your hands after all these things did you? atleast wasn't evident in the post!

Prabhu

Anonymous said...

Your chickpea meal was in the same state as those who spray perfume in the air and walk through it. So, you threw it away not because it transformed itself into "organic food" but rather due to the fact that you couldn't tell a tan color from a poop color?

You know, fathers don't deal with toilet training setbacks and wet nights. "Appa poopy" sounds like your kinds don't know that yet, and they run to their "most liked parent" on these occasions. Too much of CUTE crap in parenting? If your kids like you, you've failed as a parent.

mokka musketeer said...

ha ha Prabhu..I also noticed that. Good that you didn't eat after all the fiasco. Better story/narration than Seyttai...

Anu said...

And I think manasthan Chandru disclaimer is for lying he threw the channa out. I suspect you ate it :)

And you wont believe if I told you, the words that I had to type to prove I am not a robot below to post my comment actually read: "conflict howhyg" (expand hyg to hygiene please).

Anonymous said...

The description in the last 2 paragraphs were pretty complicated stuff. I did not try to imagine the situation :-)

bombay dosti said...

OMG! This one was hilarious! Much better than Delhi Belly :)

MaySan said...

I think there are the following flaws in your post -

1 - Wife made channa exclusively for you before leaving for work. She gets to work before 8 AM and makes things fresh for you. Some appreciation for that?

2 - You should not take eating plates to bathroom, that too leave on commode tank, that itself disqualifies the channa from eating

3 - Arent you on the 20-20 program? So, why are you eating?

- Comments from
Receiver of the original details of the incident from you

Anonymous said...

Ha Ha....the only thing that would have made this more interesting was if this whole incident happened on an airplane when you had the kids all by yourself!!! LOL!!!

I said...

Nalla aambala maanath'a vaangara oi.

rads said...

I thought there was more! I read up till you found your plate :-D

If it's *any* consolation, it's Murphy's law that kids poop exactly when the (traditional) mom starts to place a morsel in her mouth. I even tested it.
Ive started eating, gone and washed bums and come back to eat. :'(

Life.

On the flip side, keep this up and you have a free and easy diet plan! Yay :-D

Gaurav said...

Can't think of a better PSA in support of contraception (or even abstinence). :)

Subbu said...

That's one poopy story I say... :-)))

Alan Smithee said...

I think I was cut out to be a great dad, at least when it comes to toddler poops. I have never been repulsed by aai and in fact I enjoy aai and kusu conversations when I am eating. I know, I should probably see a doctor.

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of an episode from Everybody Loves Raymond

Anonymous said...

Nalla iruya Inimey channnave sapida mudiyatha padi pannita.

Web Development Company In Pune said...

HAHAHa!!!
The Climax Is Awesome I Can't Stop From Laughing My Self.
If I Ever Seen Such Scene Then I will Leave To Have Chana For Ever.

Vada said...

This is cool!

Kokki Kumarru said...

Amazing!! I feel this should be a part of a short stories book. Simply brilliant.